Genealogy Humor

I had to laugh at these. I hope you think their complaints are as unreasonable & funny as I did. I can't believe that people forget that they may be visiting a foreign country, but THEY are the foreigner!!! I don't know which one was the funniest or the most rediculous complaint... maybe the last one???

Complaints from Vacationers
Only in America.

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."

2. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."

3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."

4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."

5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."

6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."

7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."

8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."

9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."

10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."

11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."

12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."

13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."

14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."

15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."

16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."

17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."

18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."

19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked."

Hilarious! I think I like the unfair American flight back from Jamaica best.

such negative foreigners.... eish

Those in the USA will be celebrating the 4th of July, or Independence this w/e. With things as the currently are, a little humor might help??? I hope you all chuckle as you read this.

July 4th Jokes - Quickies!

* What quacks, has webbed feet, and betrays his country?
** Beneduck Arnold!
What did Paul Revere say at the end of his ride?
"I gotta get a softer saddle!"
* What protest by a group of dogs occurred in 1773?
** The Boston Flea Party!
*What happened as a result of the Stamp Act?
** The Americans licked the British!
* Why did Paul Revere ride his horse from Boston to Lexington?
** Because the horse was too heavy to carry!
* Why did the British cross the Atlantic?
** To get to the other tide!
* What do you call a parade of German mercenaries?
** A Hessian procession!
* What would you get if you crossed a patriot with a small curly-haired dog?
** Yankee Poodle!
* Did you hear the one about the Liberty Bell?
** Yeah, it cracked me up!
* What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cattle feed?
** The Fodder of Our Country!
* What's red, white, blue, and almost as ugly as a dog?
** A revolutionary warthog!
* What did one flag say to the other flag?
** Nothing. It just waved!
* What's red, white, black and blue?
** Uncle Sam falling down the steps!
* Where did George Washington buy his hatchet?
** At the chopping mall!
* What kind of tea did the American colonists thirst for?
** Liberty!
* What was General Washington's favourite tree?
** The infantry!
* Which colonists told the most jokes?
** Punsylvanians!
* What would you get if you crossed Washington's home with nasty insects?
** Mt. Vermin!
* What did a patriot put on his dry skin?
** Revo-lotion!
* What would you get if you crossed a dog with the Father of Our Country?
** George Washingtongue!
* Who is a dogs favourite Founding Father?
** Bone Franklin!
* What would you get if you crossed Jon with the English king in 1776?
** King George the Nerd!
* What dance was very popular in 1776?
** Indepen-dance!
* Which one of Washington's officers had the best sense of humour?
** Laughayette!
* What is a hungry boys favourite picnic event?
** The snack race!
* How was the food at the Fourth of July picnic?
** "The hot dogs were bad and the brats were wurst!"
* What did Washington say as he crossed the Delaware?
** "Next time I'm going to reserve a seat!"
* Teacher: "Why did Washington chop down the cherry tree with his hatchet?"
** Student: "Because his mom wouldn't let him play with the chain saw!"
* Teacher: "The Declaration of Independence was written in Philadelphia. True or false?"
** Student: "False! It was written in ink!"
* Why did Washington win the battle of Trenton?
** Because the enemy soldiers were Hessian around!
* What would you get if you crossed a monster with one of Washington's officers?
** Baron von Steupid!
* What has four legs, a shiny nose, and fought for England?
** Rudolph the Redcoat Reindeer!
* What march would you play at a jungle parade?
** "Tarzan Stripes Forever"!
* What would you get if you crossed a monster with a redcoat?
** A bigger target.
* Why did the British soldiers wear red coats?
** So they could hide in the tomatoes.
* Why is the Liberty Bell like a dropped Easter egg?
** Because they're both cracked!
* Teacher: "Who wrote `Oh say, can you see?"'
** Student: "An eye doctor?"
* How is a healthy person like the United States?
** They both have good constitutions!
* What would you get if you crossed Patrick Henry with a hungry boy?
** A patriot who says, "Give me lasagne or give me death!"
* What has feathers, webbed feet, and certain inalienable rights?
** The Ducklaration of Independence!
* Why did the duck say "Bang!"?
** Because he was a firequacker!
* What cat said, "The British are coming! The British are coming!"?
** Paw Revere.
* What was the craziest battle of the Revolutionary War?
** The Battle of Bonkers Hill.
* What was Thomas Jefferson's favourite dessert?
** Monti jello!
* Teacher: "Which son of old Virginia wrote the Declaration of Independence?"
** Student: "I think it was Thomas Jeffer's son."
* What did King George think of the American colonists?
** He thought they were revolting!
* Why were the early American settlers like ants?
** Because they lived in colonies.
* What famous pig signed the Declaration of Independence?
** John Hamcock!
* What did George Washington say to his army at Valley Forge?
** "Sorry, men. The flights to Florida are all booked up!"
* What would you get if you crossed the American national bird with Snoopy?
**A bald beagle!
* What would you get if you crossed a colonial hairpiece with a teepee?
** A powdered wigwam!
* What's red, white, blue, and green?
** A patriotic pickle!
* What did the visitor say as he left the Statue of Liberty?
** "Keep in torch!"
* What's big, cracked, and carries your luggage?
** The Liberty Bellhop!
* What ghost haunted King George III?
** The spirit of '76!
* Did you hear about the cartoonist in the Continental Army?
** He was a Yankee doodler!
* What would you get if you crossed a monster with Yankee Doodle?
** Yankee Doofus!
* What's red, white, blue and green?
** A seasick Uncle Sam!

Oh, I forgot to wish everyone a safe & Happy 4th of July.

Some possible comments to make the next time you (men esp.) have a colonoscopy. Hope you chuckle as you read these. Have a great day.

HAPPY COLONOSCOPY

A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his (predominately male) patients while he was performing their colonoscopies:

1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has gone before!"

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet?! Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas, we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in; you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must...uhhhh...quit!"

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity."

11. "You used to be an IRS auditor, didn't you?"

12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"

How Many States Can You Name?

Father William, the old priest, made it a practice to visit the parish school one day a week. He walked into the 4th grade class, where the children were studying the states, and asked them how many states they could name. They came up with about 40 names.  Father William jokingly told them that in his day students knew the names of all the states.

One lad raised his hand and said, "Yes sir, but in those days there were only 13 states."

Men vs. Women...

A bookseller conducting a market survey asked a woman, “Which book has helped you most in your life?”
The woman replied, “My husband’s check book!!”
******
A prospective husband in a book store “Do you have a book called ‘Husband – the Master of the House?’"
Sales girl: “Sir, fiction and comics are on the 1st floor!”
******
Someone asked an old man: “Even after 70 years, you still call your Wife – darling, honey, luv. What’s the secret?"

Old man: “I forgot her name and I’m scared to ask her."
******
Pharmacist to customer: “Sir, please understand, to buy an anti-depression pill you need a proper prescription …
Simply showing marriage certificate and wife’s picture is not enough !
******
A man was granted two wishes by God. He asked for the best drink & the best woman ever. Next moment he got mineral water & Mother Teresa.

******
There are 3 kinds of men in this world. Some remain single and make wonders happen. Some have girlfriends and see wonders happen.

The Rest get married and wonder what happened!

******
Wives are magicians. They can change anything into an argument.
******
Why do women live a Better, Longer & Peaceful Life, compared to men?
A very INTELLIGENT student replied: "Because Women don't have a wife!"
******
COOL MESSAGE BY A WIFE: Dear Mother-in-law, Don't teach me how to handle my children. I am living with one of yours and he needs a lot of improvement!?
******
When a married man says, I WILL THINK ABOUT IT - what he really means is that he doesn't know his wife's opinion yet.
******
A lady says to her doctor: "My husband has a habit of talking in his sleep! What should I give him to cure it?"

The doctor replies: "Give him an opportunity to speak when he's awake! “
******

4th of July Trivia & Facts – An Inspired America

American’s truly embrace their freedom, liberty, and independence. Check out some of the facts below to learn more about how patriotic certain places and people in America can be. These details will make great additions to your 4th of July trivia game!

* Thirty places nationwide with “liberty” in their name. Liberty, Missouri (26,232) boasts the highest population of the 30 at 26,232. Iowa has more of these places than any other state at four: Libertyville, New Liberty, North Liberty and West Liberty.

* Eleven places have “independence” in their name. The most populous of these is Independence, Missouri, with 113,288 residents.

* Five places adopted the name “freedom.” Freedom, California, with 6,000 residents, has the largest population among these.

* There is one place named “patriot”: Patriot, Indiana, with a population of 202.

* And what could be more fitting than spending the day in a place called “America”?
** There are five such places in the country, with the most populous being American Fork, Utah, with 21,941 residents.

One more for Iowa. My wife's mother in law is buried in East Liberty Cemetery, Mills County. Iowa.

Happy Birthday to all born in August. I alway felt cheated that there were no US Federal holidays in August. However, I found there are many, many special days, and bizarre & unique holidays in August celebrated on every day of the month!!! If interested in seeing a list, there are several sites that list these "August Holidays", you just don't get a day off for them. :-(

What is the significance of August holidays?
* Did you know that the month of August was named after the first Roman emperor? Augustus was a big deal—he brought two centuries worth of peace to Rome, developed networks of roads, and rebuilt huge swaths of the city. (He also might have been poisoned by his wife—some people are never happy.) We have August holidays just as epic as his legacy on our calendar, so get ready to celebrate these national days!

There are also many "notables" with birthdays in August. I found one site that had listed them. See this site if you want to find who else had a birthday in August (maybe on your day of birth?).

Notables born in August:
* https://www.thefamouspeople.com/famous-people-born-in-august.php The Famous People - Famous People Borne in August]  
** By date with the # for each date & links (i.e.: August 1st  (107) )

The month of August is dominated by the zodiac sign, Leo, with the last few days falling under Virgo. People born between July 23 and August 21 are considered Leos, whereas, those whose birthdays fall between August 19 and 23 are said to be born on the Leo-Virgo cusp. People born under these two astrological categories differ from each other to a certain degree. A Leo possesses a positive outlook towards life and is very enthusiastic and is full of life. He/she is proud and determined and is also a great achiever who sets examples for others. Leos are genuine friends and are extremely loyal in their relationships. However, their self-centered nature and the tendency to dominate others are among their major negative traits. They are attention-seekers and can be very demanding at times. However, Leos are born leaders and whether consciously or unconsciously, they like to rule.  They are brave and fearless when it comes to confrontation and are natural leaders. They take pride in themselves and possess an extreme sense of supremacy, just like the Lion itself.

August Observances & Fun Facts

* August 2018 is Observed as: National Immunization Awareness Month
* August Birthstone: Peridot
* Fruit & Veges for the Month of August: Peaches, Cactus Pear, Eggplant, Prickly Pear, Nopales Cactus, Okra, Celery, Fennel
* August Flower: Poppy & Gladiolus
* August Astrological Sign: Leo (till 22nd) & Virgo (23rd→)
* Proclamations and Notable August Observances: Aug 4: National Mustard Day & Aug 26: Women's Equality Day.

Month:
* Admit You're Happy Month
* Family Fun Month
* Dog Days of Summer - July 3 - August 11
* International Clown Week - always August 1-7
* National Catfish Month
* National Eye Exam Month
* National Golf Month
* Peach Month
* Romance Awareness Month
* Water Quality Month
* National Picnic Month
* Golf Month

Weekly Events:
* Week 1 National Simplify your Life Week
* Week 2 National Smile Week
* Week 3 Friendship Week
* Week 4 Be Kind to Humankind Week

Sooooooo, Happy Birthday to all Geni members who were born in this very special month. (I was born this month, so it MUST be special!!! Right???)

Here are 3 sites that had August Holidays:
* https://nationaltoday.com/august-holidays/
* http://holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/august.htm
* http://www.holidayscalendar.com/months/august/

A Cook's Dictionary

* Calorie: Basic measure of the amount of rationalization offered by the average individual prior to taking a second helping of a particular food.
* Microwave Oven: Space-age kitchen appliance that uses the principle of radar to locate and immediately destroy any food placed within the cooking compartment.
* Oven: Compact home incinerator used for disposing of bulky pieces of meat and poultry.
* Oven Mitt: A partially charred grease stain that fits over the hand.
* Picnic: Any meal eaten more than 100 yards from the nearest bathroom.
* Porridge: Thick oatmeal rarely found on American tables since children were granted the right to sue their parents. The name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
* Preheat: To turn on the heat in an oven for a period of time before cooking a dish, so that the fingers may be burned when the food is put in, as well as when it is removed.
* Recipe: A series of step-by-step instructions for preparing ingredients you forgot to buy in utensils you don't own to make a dish the dog won't eat the rest of.
* Sugar: One of a class of carbohydrates present in one form or another in all foods. Common sources of sugar and the types they contain are: fructose and glucose (fruit juice and honey); lactose (milk); sucrose (sugar cane or sugar beets); maltose (malt); and jocose, verbose, morose, lachrymose, bellicose, and comatose (alcohol).
* Taste:
** 1. The ability to distinguish between, say, Tripes a la mode de Caen and chocolate pudding.
** 2. The critical discernment necessary to choose the chocolate pudding.
* Timer: Adjustable clock that rings or otherwise signals when a particular dish is overcooked.
* Tongue: A variety of meat, rarely served because it clearly crosses the line between a cut of beef and a piece of dead cow.
* Yogurt: Semi-solid dairy product made from partially evaporated and fermented milk. Yogurt is one of only three foods that taste exactly the same as they sound. The other two are goulash and squid.

Sigh... those were the days?

Encyclopedias

Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students.

My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf.

"What are all these books?" he asked.

Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias.

"Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole thing?"

Some women wrongly think that men have no feelings:: They are totaly wrong;

Sometime men feel hungery and some times they feel thirsty.

Every man thinks every woman’s dream if to find the perfect man. PLEASE !! Every woman’s dream is to eat without getting fat !!!!

The best part of genealogy is searching for ancestorss and finding new friends.

I liked Obama's team's plan to cut unnecessary spending and trim the federal budget by laying off all the cattle guards that are guarding the cattle out west.

BRITISH HUMOR IS DIFFERENT

These are classified ads, which were actually placed in U.K. Newspapers:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 years old,
Hateful little bastard.
Bites!

FREE PUPPIES
1/2 Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.

FREE PUPPIES.
Mother is a Kennel Club registered German Shepherd.
Father is a Super Dog, able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

COWS, CALVES: NEVER BRED.
Also 1 gay bull for sale...

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer £100.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE.
Worn once by mistake.
Call Stephanie.

**** And the WINNER is... ****

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
* Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition, £200 or best offer. No longer needed, got married, wife knows everything.

Statement of the Century
* Thought from the Greatest Living Scottish Thinker--Billy Connolly. "If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking, How come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"

Children Are Quick:

TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Class started before I got here.
____________________________________
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this child)
____________________________________
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
____________________________________
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is…
TEACHER: No, Millie... Always say, 'I am…'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet...'
____________________________________
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand...
____________________________________
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mum is a good cook.
____________________________________
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's… Did you copy his?
CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
(I want to adopt this kid!!!)
____________________________________
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
____________________________________
PASS IT AROUND AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH:
Due to current economic conditions the light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off.

Marriage Humor

Wife:  'What are you doing?' 
Husband:  Nothing. 
Wife:  'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' 
Husband:  'I was looking for the expiration date.' 

--------------->>>>>----------------  

Wife  : 'Do you want dinner?' 
Husband:  'Sure! What are my choices?' 
Wife:  'Yes or no.' 
--------------->>>>>----------------
A newly married man asked his wife, 'Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?' 

'Honey,' the woman replied sweetly, 'I'd have married you, NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!' 
--------------->>>>>----------------
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?' 

He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!' 
--------------->>>>>----------------
Husbands are husbands  

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him round the head with a frying pan.  

'What was that for?' the man asked.  

The wife replied 'That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket'.

The man then said 'When I was at the races last week Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.' The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
 
Wife replied.. 'Your horse phoned'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More Marriage Humor

Stress Reliever  
Girl:  'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.' 
Boy:  'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.' 
Girl:  'Well that's because we aren't married yet.' 
--------------->>>>>----------------  
Courteous?
Son:  'Mum, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.' 
Mom:  'Well, you have done the right thing.' 
Son:  'But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap.' 
--------------->>>>>----------------
Pest Control  
A woman was having a passionate affair with an Irish inspector from a pest-control company... One afternoon they were carrying on in the bedroom together when her husband arrived home unexpectedly. 

'Quick,' said the woman to the lover, 'into the closet!' and she pushed him in the closet, stark naked. 

The husband, however, became suspicious and after a search of the bedroom discovered the man in the closet.

'Who are you?' he asked him.. 

'I'm an inspector from Bugs-B-Gone,' said the exterminator. 

'What are you doing in there?' the husband asked.. 

'I'm investigating a complaint about an infestation of moths,' the man replied. 

'And where are your clothes?' asked the husband. 

The man looked down at himself and said, 'Those little bastards!'.

Read, then laugh when you get to the end, as it isn't what you are thinking...

Man In Ecstasy

He was in ecstasy, with a huge smile on his face, as his wife moved forward, then backwards, forward, then backwards again, back and forth, back and forth... in and out... in and out.

It was going on for 10 minutes at this point...

Her heart was pounding... her face was flushed… then she moaned, softly at first, then began to groan louder.

Finally, totally exhausted, she let out an almighty scream and shouted: "OK, OK! I can't park the damn car! You do it, you smug bastard!"

1. AVOCADOS
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again! Men will get it the first time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
2. WATER IN THE CARBURETOR

WIFE: "There is trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous "

WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."

HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"

WIFE: "In the pool".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
3. STATISTIC

THIS IS A FRIGHTENING STATISTIC , PROBABLY ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME IN RECENT YEARS.

25% of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness.

That's scary. It means 75% are running around untreated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
4. HE MUST PAY

Husband and wife had a tiff. Wife called up her mom and said, "He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you."

Mom said, "No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~>>>>>~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
5. TODAY'S SHORT READING FROM THE BIBLE

From Genesis: "And God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the earth."

Then he made the earth round and He laughed and laughed.

(Maybe God was a woman???)

I believe you have seen on the old family photos. The men are always sitting on a chair and right behind or some times next to him is his wife standing as straight as a rod.

I asked my grandfather why dit they take such pictures, He says that he cant speak for other people but in the case of him and my grandmother, the foto was taken the day after the mariage. He Couldnt stand and dear grandmother couldnt sit.

This little snippet of information talks about "family" connections????

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

(You're gonna love this.)

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

(You sang it, didn't you? Yeah, I know you did.)

Never take life too seriously.

Dries & Colleen, thanks for your contributions. These are toooooo funny!!!

Lexophiles

"Lexophile" is a word used to describe those that have a love for words, such as "you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish" or "to write with a broken pencil is pointless."

.. A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.
.. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
.. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
.. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. 
.. When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye. 
.. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate. 
.. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. 
.. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A. 
.. The batteries were given out free of charge. 
.. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail. 
.. A will is a dead giveaway. 
.. With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress. 
.. A boiled egg is hard to beat. 
.. When you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
.. Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. 
.. Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off?  He's all right now. 
.. Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
.. Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

Had a good laugh. Thanks

A Loving Relationship?

A group of women were at a seminar on how to live in a loving relationship with their husbands. The women were asked, "How many of you love your husband?"

All the women raised their hands. Then they were asked, "When was the last time you told your husband you loved him?" Some women answered today, a few yesterday, and some couldn't remember.

The women were then told to take out their cell phones and text their husband - "I love you, Sweetheart."

Next the women were instructed to exchange phones with one another and
read aloud the text message they received in response to their message.

Below are 12 hilarious replies. If you have been married for quite a while, you understand that these replies are a sign of true love. Who else would reply in such a succinct and honest way?


1. Who the hell is this?

2. Eh, mother of my children, are you sick or what?

3. Yeah, and I love you too. What's wrong?

4. What now? Did you wreck the car again?

5. I don't understand what you mean.

6. What the hell did you do now?

8 Don't beat about the bush, just tell me how much you need.

9. Am I dreaming? 
10. If you don't tell me who this message is actually for, someone will die.

11. I thought we agreed you wouldn't drink during the day. (My personal favorite!)

12. Your mother is coming to stay with us, isn't she?

Can those of you married relate??? Did you laugh at some of the responses or would one be YOUR response??? When was the last time you said "I love you" to your spouse or significant other??? I just looked at it again & realized there isn’t a #7… it was sent that way… what would your spouse/significant other say???

Have a great day & say “I love you” to someone you love.