Genealogy Humor

Growing Up Without a Cell Phone

If you are 40, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways yadda, yadda, yadda!!!

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a darn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the darn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and cover it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

There weren't any cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY!!! Think of the horror-- not being in touch with someone 24/7!!! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600 with games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'! Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were taken when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your seat and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled kids.

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're really spoiled! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before!

Regards,
The Over 40 Crowd

Good one Patricia Ann Scoggin

almost half a centurion,
aznijar.

How We Grew Up

A stunning Senior moment -- no offense to your children intended!

A self-important college freshman attending a recent football game took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation.

'You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one' the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. 'The Young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon. Our space probes have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, ships and electric and hydrogen cars, cell phones. Computers with light-speed processing... And more.'

After a brief silence the senior citizen responded as follows:

'You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young... so we invented them. Now, you arrogant, disrespectful, little twerp, what are you doing for the next generation?'

The applause was amazing.

Ancestors
===============
The Taylor's were proud of their family tradition.

Their ancestors had traveled to America with the Pilgrim
Fathers on the Mayflower. They had included Congressmen,
successful entrepreneurs, famous sports people and television
stars.

They decided to research and write a family history, something
for their children and grandchildren. They found a specialist
genealogist and writer to help them. Only one problem arose -
how to handle Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor who was executed in
the electric chair.

The writer said she could handle the story tactfully. When the
book appeared the section about Jefferson read:

Great Uncle Jefferson Taylor occupied a chair of applied
electronics at an important government institution, he was
attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and his
death came as a great shock.

Susan
Love it!!! It is amazing how reality can be stretched!!!

Hope you enjoy this-- don't know that it is exactly humorous, but I thought this was really interesting. Boy have we come a long way...

Outhouse History & Information

The outhouse is part of the pioneer past, particularly in America until the Second World War. A necessary "performance" place where one did one's "daily duty", it was a place full of legend and lore that included as many scents and nonsense as one could find.

The history of sanitary engineering however began long before the birth of hardy country-dwellers, cottage folk, and campers. In fact, records reveal the first flush toilet appeared in 1500 B.C., at the palace of King Midas.

Thanks to the Babylonians in the 6th century who learned to go with the flow, man first harnessed the power of gravity through latrines. Perhaps that is where "long-drops" got its name.

It wasn't until several hundred years later during the engineering advancements in the Roman Empire, that public latrines were used along with water from underground pipes that conveyed the waste into sewers.

In the Middle Ages, castles and monasteries accommodated something akin to an indoor outhouse, or throne room that consisted of a seat with a hole. Waste proceeded down a pipe and exited the building through a protrusion in the castle wall into the ground or into the moat surrounding the castle. No wonder no one wanted to go skinny-dipping in the moats.

During the Renaissance, form replaced function. Complex piping systems were replaced by beautifully decorated chamber pots. "Flushing" consisted of picking up colorful pieces of pottery and simply hurling waste out the window with a brief shout of warning "Gardyloo" to unsuspecting pedestrians nearby. While the absense of pipes meant no clogged drains, the lack of proper sanitation resulted in a tremendous loss of life due to plagues and pandemics.

It was not until the end of the 16th century that Sir John Harington, the godson of Queen Elizabeth I, invented a water closet with an actual flushing mechanism. Apparently the device was so noisy the Queen never used it.

The father of the modern flush toilet is not as tales go, one Thomas J. Crapper. Patent records indicate that it was actually Edward Humpherson, a one-time apprentice with Crapper, who invented the first pedestal, wash-down water closet in 1884 in England.

The advent of modern plumbing eliminated odor problems not to mention the feared "Black Death" and, outhouses became a popular punch line in American humor. Life was good.

Life looked like a bowl full of cherries, until people concerned with the health of the entire planet realized that "going with the flow" could be quite costly for everyone. Toilets flushing away millions of gallons of water every single day might have its limits. So who knows...we may see either a rebirth of the pioneer potty spirit or a waterless waste removal system. Only time will tell.

It is not surprising in a world that abhors discussion of perfectly normal bodily functions (not to mention those practical places necessary to perform them in a discrete and comfortable manner), that there are so many entertaining euphemisms for the outdoor bathroom.

For those who need a refresher course on names for the place where one performs one's daily "business" in a natural environment, here is a short list from which to choose:

ablution hut, back-house, bank, biffy, bog, buoy, butt, can, cloaca, corncob and honey-dipper, crap house, crapper, dunny, earth-closet, fanny, hole, honey bucket, jake, Jerichco, john, johnny house, kybo, latrine, little brown shack out back, long-drop, netty, one/two/three/four holer, outbuilding, outhouse, pissoir, piss pot, pit, pondering place, pot, prat, privy, quacken, shithouse, shitter, sump, tail, thunderbox, throne room, tin can, tinkle pantry, toilet, toilet tent, water-closet

Those searching for land deeds may appreciate this one. Hope you get a laugh or two from it!!!

Land Ho!

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA (Federal Housing Administration) loan for a client. He was told that the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to property offered as collateral. The title dated back to 1803, and he had to spend three months running it down.

After sending the information to FHA, he got this reply: "We received your letter today enclosing application for loan for your client, supported by abstract of title. Let us compliment you on the able manner in which you prepared and presented the application. However, you have not cleared the title before the year 1802, and therefore, before final approval can be accorded the application, it will be necessary that the title be cleared back of that year.

Annoyed, the lawyer replied: "Your letter regarding titles in Case No. 189156 received. I note that you wish titles extended further back than I have presented them. I was unaware that any educated man in the world failed to know that Louisiana was purchased from France in 1803. The title to the land was acquired by France by right of conquest from Spain. The land came into possession of Spain by right of discovery made in 1492 by a sailor named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the then reigning monarch, Isabella. The good queen, being a pious woman and careful about titles, almost as much I might say, as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope for the voyage before she sold her jewels to help Columbus. Now the Pope, as you know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, made the world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that He also made that part of the world called Louisiana, and I hope you are satisfied."

Heirloom

I noticed a hand-painted gold and burgundy brandy snifter at my in-laws where we were celebrating their wedding anniversary. My father-in-law explained that it had been a wedding gift from Ireland that they had received 50 years earlier. 



My brother-in-law picked it up and passed it around the dinner table. My heart was in my mouth as it went from one person to another because my in-laws seemed to habitually drop things. Finally it reached me and I put it back on the display case. 



"How had this fragile keepsake lasted so long in this family?" I wondered aloud. 



"It's the last of a set of eight," my father-in-law replied.

ALL ETHNIC JOKES…No offense mean't Please…we all are here…..
******
AT AN IRISH WEDDING RECEPTION SOMEONE YELLED…" Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made their life worth living"…

The Bartender was almost crushed to death!!!

*************

An Irishman is never drunk as long as he can HOLD onto one blade of grass to keep from FALLING off the earth!!!

**********

Schwartz is sitting in his room, wearing only a top hat, when Steinberg strolls in.
"Why are you sitting here naked?"
"It's all right," says Schwartz.
"Nobody comes to visit."
"But why the hat?"
"Maybe somebody will come."

**********
Two Jewish men sat in a coffeehouse, discussing the fate of their people.
"How miserable is our history," said one. "Pogroms, plagues, discrimination, Hitler, Neo-Nazis…Sometimes I think we'd be better off if we'd never been born."
"Sure," said his friend." But who has that much luck--maybe one in fifty thousand?"

*********

The census taker comes to the Goldman house.
"Does Louis Goldman live here?" he asks.
"No," replies Goldman.
"Well, then, what is your name?"
"Louis Goldman."
"Wait a minute--didn't you just tell me that Goldman doesn't live here?"
"Aha," says Goldman. "You call this living?"

***********
What' a 4 letter word in Italian for goodbye?
"BANG"!!!

*******
What do you call an Italian hooker?

A Pastatute!!!

*******
Q: What's the difference between a German and a shopping trolley?

A: A shopping trolley has a mind of its own.

Patricia - loved growing up without a cell phone. However - I recall the day when my parents got a tv set (black and white with snow) - and I had already left home for University. Our phone was a party line with about 20 families on it. Our ring call was a long and a short and a long. When it rang and you answered you could tell how many more people were listening in by how the voice on the line became fainter. I recall my boy friend calling me from the naval base he was at to tell me he would be home on the weekend and we would go to the dance. The whole neighbourhood knew who I was going with and what time he was picking me up. Three long rings on the phone meant that everyone on the line picked up to hear where the fire was and where to go to help. Times they have been a changing.

Colleen, I also remember growing up in the country in central Illinois with a party line & rotary dial. Don't remember how many rings -- it was sooo long ago!!! There were always some of the neighbors who were soooooooooo nosy!!! Some were also very, very long winded, esp when you needed or wanted to use the phone!!! Now we have to worry about identity theft!!! Times sure have changed!!! I didn't move into the 21st century with the internet until 2008. (Still don't have a cell phone!)

Growing up in East Los Angeles, I remember "Candlestick" Phones with party lines. When you went to make a call someone was already on the phone talking...so you would first listen a little then ask for them to let you make a call.... as kids we knew all the neighborhood gossip! The worst is when you were engrossed in a serious conversation and you were asked a question and all of a sudden a voice appears out of no where and answered it for you......????? All the olde ladies would sit with their Pell Mell Cigarettes and Folgers Coffee and the phone glued to their ears.....while they were cooking the evening dinner!!!

Norm, growing up in Plattsburg, N.Y. we too had party lines with around 20 lines and had to wait for "our" ring to pick up! Also had them in Lakewood, New Jersey with an operator to dial the call. All these memories made me laugh! Thanks.

Glad to hear that others grew up with party phone lines. Wonder how many others have "fond" memories of party lines and nosy neighbors??? Would love to hear from any others who remember waaaaay back then.

Here are a couple more stories that may make you feel old... or bring back some fond or not so fond memories... (I have some 8 tracks & a large box of record albums & a boat-load of cassettes... wish I could afford to get the music transferred to something so I could listen to some of them today!!!)
*****************
I still have 8 tracks and record albums, but with nothing to play them on, I packed them in a box and put it in the attic. Someday, I'll get it out and give my kids a good laugh at my expense!

I'm only 30 years old, but my daughter, who is only 8, proved to me how old she thinks 30 is. She was looking through my old photo albums from junior high and high school. The dates and events are written next to the pictures. She got a wide-eyed look and exclaimed, "Oh my gosh! I can't believe it! You were alive in 1980!!"

I almost passed out right there! It's pretty sad to hear the "oldies" radio station is playing stuff from the 80's. Oh well, now that I feel REALLY old, I think I'll go back to reading my mail.

*****************

About 15 years ago, my brother and I were shopping in a record store in the downtown plaza. He was trying to find music recordings related to the concert known as "Woodstock" from the 1960's.

The teen-aged clerk asked if she could be of assistance. 



"Yes, I'm trying to find recordings of Woodstock," he explained. 

The young lady looked very puzzled and I knew she had no clue, but I had no idea how badly she had no clue until she spoke... 



"Woodstock? You mean Snoopy's little buddy?"

******Wonderfully Described Definitions********

*******************************************************

CIGARETTE:
A pinch of tobacco
Rolled in paper
With fire at one end
And a fool at the other!

MARRIAGE:
It's an agreement
Wherein
A man loses his bachelor’s degree
And a woman gains her masters

LECTURE:
An art of transmitting Information
From the notes of the lecturer
To the notes of students
Without passing through the minds
Of either

CONFERENCE:
The confusion of one man
Multiplied by the
Number present

COMPROMISE:
The art of dividing
A cake in such a way that
Everybody believes
He got the biggest piece

TEARS:
The hydraulic force by which
Masculine will power is
Defeated by feminine water-power!

CONFERENCE ROOM:
A place where everybody talks,
Nobody listens
And everybody disagrees later on

ECSTASY:
A feeling when you feel
You are going to feel
A feeling
You have never felt before

CLASSIC:
A book
Which people praise,
But never read

SMILE:
A curve
That can set
A lot of things straight!

OFFICE:
A place
Where you can relax
After your strenuous
Home life

YAWN:
The only time
When some married men
Ever get to open
Their mouth

EXPERIENCE:
The name
Men give
To their
Mistakes

DIPLOMAT:
A person
Who tells you
To go to hell
In such a way
That you actually look forward
To the trip

OPTIMIST:
A person
Who while falling
From EIFFEL TOWER
Says in midway
"SEE I AM NOT INJURED YET!"

MISER:
A person
Who lives poor
So that
He can die RICH!

FATHER:
A banker
Provided by
Nature

BOSS:
Someone
Who is early
When you are late
And late
When you are early

POLITICIAN:
One who
Shakes your hand
Before elections
And your Confidence
Later

DOCTOR:
A person
Who kills
Your ills
By pills,
And kills you
By his bills!

"G-d Promised Man that Good and Obedient Wives Would be Found in All Corners of the World...

...Then He Made the Earth Round...

...and Laughed...and Laughed...and Laughed...and Laughed...and Laughed...and Laughed...and Laughed...and Laughed...!!!!!"

Norm,
Many of the definitions are so right on.... Will pass that one on to those on my email list. I have pix that go with your one about the promise to man... It is tooooo funny!!!!

This is one that I have pix to go with almost all of the statements which really added. Oh, well, it still brings back a lot of memories. Hope it does for you also.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*************************~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

HEY, WASN'T THIS US ?

A little house with three bedrooms, one bathroom and one car on the street.
A mower that you had to push to make the grass look neat.

In the kitchen on the wall we only had one phone,
And no need for recording things, someone was always home.

We only had a living room where we would congregate,
unless it was at mealtime in the kitchen where we ate.

We had no need for family rooms or extra rooms to dine.
When meeting as a family those two rooms would work out fine.

We only had one TV set and channels maybe two,
But always there was one of them with something worth the view.

Store-bought snacks were rare because my mother liked to cook
and nothing can compare to snacks in Betty Crocker's book.

Weekends were for family trips or staying home to play.
We all did things together -- even go to church to pray.

When we did our weekend trips depending on the weather,
no one stayed at home because we liked to be together.

Sometimes we would separate to do things on our own,
but we knew where the others were without our own cell phone.

Then there were the movies with your favorite movie star,
and nothing can compare to watching movies in your car.

Then there were the picnics at the peak of summer season,
pack a lunch and find some trees and never need a reason.

Get a baseball game together with all the friends you know,
have real action playing ball -- and no game video.

Remember when the doctor used to be the family friend,
and didn't need insurance or a lawyer to defend?

The way that he took care of you or what he had to do,
because he took an oath and strived to do the best for you.

Remember going to the store and shopping casually,
and when you went to pay for it you used your own REAL money?

Nothing that you had to swipe or punch in some amount,
and remember when the cashier person had to really count?

The milkman used to go from door to door,
And it was just a few cents more than going to the store.

The mailman knew each house by name and knew where it was sent;
there were not loads of mail addressed to "present occupant."

There was a time when just one glance was all that it would take,
and you would know the kind of car, the model and the make.

They didn't look like turtles trying to squeeze out every mile;
they were streamlined, white walls, fins and really had some style.

One time the music that you played whenever you would jive,
was from a vinyl, big-holed record called a forty-five.

The record player had a post to keep them all in line
and then the records would drop down and play one at a time.

Oh, the simple life we lived still seems like so much fun,
how can you explain a game, just kick the can and run?

And why would boys put baseball cards between bicycle spokes
and for a nickel, red machines had little bottled Cokes?

This life seemed so much easier and slower in some ways.
I love the new technology but I sure do miss those days.

So time moves on and so do we and nothing stays the same,
but I sure love to reminisce and walk down memory lane !

* These are actual comments made by 16 Police Officers. The comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country:

1. "You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just
went through."

2. "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll
stretch after you wear them a while."

3. "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

4. "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

5. "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the
speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

6. "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can
write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"


7. "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think
it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

8. "Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I'm warning you not to do
that again or I'll give you another ticket."

9. "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are
drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

10. "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place whereyou go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

11. "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a
toaster oven."

12. "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC." (National
Crime Information Center)

13. "Just how big were those 'two beers' you say you had?"

14. "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're
allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

15. "I'm glad to hear that the Chief(of Police) is a personal friend
of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

AND THE WINNER IS....

16. "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets?

...........You're right, we don't...... Sign here."

OOOOOOOO....not nice!

Patricia - loved the early morning one about days gone by. No junk mail, no phone calls about "something is wrong with your computer - I can fix it for $$$", research for school papers were done in the library with an encyclopedia (a what?), we didn't lock our doors..

Elise,
I grew up in the country and we didn't even have locks for our doors!!! My dad bought us an encyclopedia set that we used at home & I remember using it frequently!!! I also remember our first TV that we watched the Rose Bowl parade on the only 1 channel avail in our area!!! Then the first year that we got a colored TV & saw it in color, boy what a difference -- still only had 1 TV--now I have 3 (all for 1 person!)

Norm, love the Police comments--some are priceless!!! Will be sharing it with those on my email list.
Pat

Life in the 1500's
Discover how some of today's sayings and customs originated. You will be surprised!

• Most people got married in June. Why? They took their yearly bath in May. In June, they still smelled pretty good but were starting to smell so brides carried a bouquet of flowers to hide their body odor.
• When they took a bath, they would fill a big tub with hot water. The man of the house would get the privilege of the nice clean water. Then all the other sons and men, then the women and finally the children. Last of all, the babies. By that time the water was pretty thick... thus the saying; "don't throw the baby out with the bath water. The water was so dirty, you could actually lose someone in it.

A little about death...
• They also had lead cups and when they would drink ale or whiskey from them, the combination would sometimes knock them out for a couple of days. This caused people to think they were dead. They would pick them up, take them home and get them ready to bury. They would lay them out on the kitchen table for a couple of days, the family would gather around to eat, drink and wait to see if they would wake up. Thus the custom of holding a "wake".
• Since England is so old and small, they started running out of places to bury people. So, they started digging up coffins, taking the bones out and reusing the graves. This is when they discovered that some of the coffins had scratch marks on the inside. One out of 25 coffins were this way and they realized they had been burying people alive. So they decided they would tie a string on their wrist and lead it through the coffin, up through the ground and tie it to a bell. Someone would have to sit out in the graveyard all night to listen for the bell. Thus the saying "graveyard shift". If the bell would ring they would know that someone was "saved by the bell" or he was a "dead ringer"

A Little about the houses...
• Most of the houses had a thatch roof. Thatch meant thick straw, piled high with no wood underneath. Little animals would get in the thatch roof to stay warm. All the cats, dogs, mice, rats, bugs and other small animals lived in the roof. When it rained, it became slippery and wet so sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof... thus the saying; "It's raining cats and dogs."
• Since there was nothing to stop things from falling into the house, they would just try to clean up a lot. This posed a real problem in the bedroom, where bugs and other droppings from animals could really mess up your nice clean bed, so they found if they would make beds with big posts and hang a sheet over the top, it would prevent that problem. Hence... "4 poster beds with canopies".
• Most houses had dirt floors. Only the wealthy had something other than dirt... thus the saying; "dirt poor"
• Wealthy people had slate floors but in the winter they would get slippery when they got wet. To solve this problem, they started spreading thresh on the floor to help keep their footing. As the winter wore on, they would just keep adding more thresh until when they opened the door it would all start slipping outside. So... they put a piece of wood at the entryway... "a thresh hold".

A little about food…
• In the kitchen, they would hang a big kettle over the fire. Every day they would light the fire and start adding things to the pot. Mostly they ate vegetables and didn't get much meat. They would eat the stew for dinner, they leave the leftovers in the pot to get cold over night and then start all over the next day. Sometimes the stew would have food in it that had been in there for a month! Thus the rhyme... "peas porridge hot, peas porridge cold, peas porridge in the pot nine days old."
• Sometimes, they would get their hands on some pork. This was a special occasion. When company would come over, they had a rack in the parlor where they would bring out some bacon and hang it up to show it off. It was a sign of wealth and that a man could really "bring home the bacon". They would cut off a little to share with their guests and they would all sit around and "chew the fat"
• If you had money, your plates were made of pewter. Sometimes food with a high acid content caused lead to leach out into the food. They really noticed it happened with tomatoes. So they stopped eating tomatoes for 400 years!
• Most people didn't have pewter plates though. They had trenchers. Trenchers were pieces of wood with the middle scooped out like a bowl. Often times, worms would get into the wood. After eating from the trencher with worms, they would get "trench mouth".
• If you were traveling and stayed at an Inn, they usually served bread. The bread was divided according to status. The workers would get the burnt bottom of the loaf, the family would get the middle and the guests would get the top or "upper crust".

The Jewish Take....

***********************

Two Texans are sitting on a plane from Dallas and an old Jewish man is sitting between them. The first Texan says,
"My name is Roger. I own 250,000 acres. I have 1,000 head of cattle and they call my place The Jolly Roger."
The second Texan says, "My name is John. I own 350,000 acres. I have 5,000 head of cattle and they call my place Big John's."
They both look down at the little old Jewish man who says, "My name is Irving and I own only 300 acres."
Roger looks down at him and says, "300 Acres? What do you raise?"
"Nothing," says Irving .
"Well then, what do you call it?" asked John.
"Downtown Dallas ".
________________________________

Doctor Bloom, who was known for miraculous cures for arthritis, had a waiting-room full of people when a little old lady, completely bent over in half, shuffled in slowly, leaning on her cane. When her turn came, she went into the doctor's office, and emerged within half an hour walking completely erect, with her head held high.
A woman in the waiting room who had seen all this walked up to the little old lady and said, "It's a miracle! You walked in bent in half and now you're walking erect. What did that doctor do?"
She answered, "Miracle, shmiracle. . . he gave me a longer cane."
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THE DIFFERENCES

The Italian says, "I'm thirsty. I must have wine."

The Frenchman says, "I'm thirsty. I must have cognac."

The Russian says, "I'm thirsty. I must have vodka."

The German says, "I'm thirsty. I must have beer."

The Mexican says, "I'm thirsty. I must have tequila."

The Jewish man says, "I'm thirsty. I must have diabetes."
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PHILANTHROPY

A visitor to Israel attended a recital and concert at the Moscovitz Auditorium. He was quite impressed with the architecture and the acoustics. He inquired of the tour guide, "Is this magnificent auditorium named after Chaim Moscovitz, the famous Talmudic scholar?"
"No," replied the guide. "It is named after Sam Moscovitz, the writer."
Never heard of him," said the visitor. "What did he write?"

"A check," replied the guide.
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ROWING TEAM

Yeshiva University decided to field a rowing team. Unfortunately, they lose race after race. Even though they practice and practice for hours every day, they never manage to come in any better than dead last.
Finally, the team decides to send Morris Fishbein, its captain, to spy on Harvard, the perennial championship team. So Morris schlepps off to Cambridge , Mass. , and hides in the bushes next to the Charles River , where he carefully watches the Harvard team at its daily practice. After a week, Morris returns to Yeshiva. "Well, I figured out their secret," he announces.

"What? Tell us! Tell us!" his teammates shout.

"We should have only one guy yelling. The other eight should row."

Loved 'em!

I still only have one tv - but one land line phone in each of the three rooms!!

Norm, those are just tooooooo funny!!!!

What a difference 50 some years makes. Read and see what was being said in 1955. Wonder what people will think in 2050 about things going on now???

Comments made in the year 1955!

• I'll tell you one thing, if things keep going the way they are, it's going to be impossible to buy a week's groceries for $10.00.

• Have you seen the new cars coming out next year? It won't be long before $2,000.00 will only buy a used one.

• If cigarettes keep going up in 
price, I'm going to quit; 20 cents a pack is ridiculous.

• Did you hear the post office is thinking about charging 7 cents just to mail a letter?

• If they raise the minimum wage to $1.00, nobody will be able to hire outside help at the store.

• When I first started driving, who would have thought gas would someday cost 25 cents a gallon? Guess we'd be better off leaving the car in the garage.

• I'm afraid to send my kids to the movies any more. 
Ever since they let Clark Gable get by with saying DAMN in GONE WITH THE WIND, it seems every new movie has either HELL or DAMN in it.

• I read the other day where some scientist thinks it's possible to put a man on the moon by the end of the century. They even have some fellows they call astronauts preparing for it down in Texas.

• Did you see where some baseball player just signed a contract for $50,000 a year just to play ball? It wouldn't surprise me if someday they'll be making more than the President.

• I never thought I'd see the day all our kitchen appliances would be electric. They're even making electric typewriters now.

• It's too bad things are so tough nowadays. I see where a few married women are having to work to make ends meet.

• It won't be long before young couples are going to have to hire some- one to watch their kids so they can both work.

• I'm afraid the Volkswagen car is going to open the door to a whole lot of foreign business.

• Thank goodness I won't live to see the day when the Government takes half our income in taxes. I sometimes wonder if we are electing the best people to government.

• The fast food restaurant is convenient for a quick meal, but I seriously doubt they will ever catch on.

• There is no sense going on short trips 
anymore for a weekend. It costs nearly $2.00 a night to stay in a hotel.

• No one can afford to be sick 
anymore. At $15.00 a day in the hospital, it's too rich for my blood.

• If they think I'll pay 30 cents for a haircut, forget it.

My, oh my!!! How the times have changed!!! Know any friends who would get a kick out of these? Then pass this on! Be sure and send it to your kids and grand kids, too!

A cheerful heart is good medicine. (Proverbs 17:22) 



A day without laughter is a day wasted.
No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they made a difference in the world. But those in the U.S. ARMED FORCES don't have that problem."
Ronald Reagan

What sort of comments would you make about the world around us now???

I was among the First TV Babies....we got one in '48!
We have 'em in all the rooms except the bathroom.

When our kids were small... harsh discipline to them meant they had to go upstairs and watch B/W TV!!!

We are now hearing from the grandkids how tough we were to their parents....huhhhhhh?

I remember when dirt, air and TV were Free!!!

How long ago was it that ...TV was free through the air and a lampcord screwed to your set???....Now I'm dropping $90. Bucks a month and still can't get a Dodgers Game!!!

How long ago was it that... Dirt for planting came from a digging a hole in your yard? Now my wife insists on trice cleaned super fertilizers for her plants....I say that's just Horse----!

How long ago was it that.... you drank your water from the faucet?...now it has to come from Lake Arrowhead Springs...from another faucet!

This is a True Story....a few years ago we moved from the San Fernando Valley to the Marina del Rey in Los Angeles...our dog, "BUCK the Vunderkind" refused to drink the water...so finally we had to start buying bottled water for him...everyone thought we were nutz...we were drinking tap water & Buck had Crystal Geyser.

Finally we realized it wasn't his attempt to go Hollywood on us...the new water had a stronger mineral smell to it and he couldn't handle it!