Genealogy Humor

A Priest's Retirement Speech...

A Priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.
A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.
However, he was delayed, so the Priest decided to say his own few words while they waited: Thank Goodness we Catholics have a wonderful sense of humor!
“I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents; embezzled from his employer; had an affair with his boss’s wife; had sex with his boss’s 17 year old daughter on numerous occasions, taken illegal drugs; had several homosexual affairs; was arrested several times for public nudity and gave VD to his sister. I was appalled that one person could do so many awful things. But as the days went on, I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people.”

Just as the Priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk:
“I’ll never forget the first day our parish Priest arrived,” said the politician. “In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession.”

Moral: Never, Never, Never Be Late

*********

The Lost Keys...

After a meeting several days ago, I couldn't find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal "TSA Pat Down."

They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically,
I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition.

He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right.

The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.

Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband:
"I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen."

There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice.
"Are you kidding me?" he barked,
"I dropped you off!"

Now it was my turn to be silent.
Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me."

He retorted, "I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your car!"

Welcome to the golden years..............

Norm, thanks for sharing your "after death..." experience. It is toooooo funny! Thanks for your other 2 contributions. I hope others laugh as hard as I did.

Keep them coming folks. I feel sure you have humorous "stories"/jokes to share even if not exactly genealogy related or connected, although those are especially appreciated.
Pat

Dressed Alike

I come from a large family, five sisters and three brothers. My sisters and I were looking through the family photo album one day. Picture after picture, we were all dressed in matching clothes. I asked my mother why she dressed us all alike, right down to the baby. 



She explained, "When we had just four children, I dressed you alike so we wouldn't lose any of you. Then," she added, looking at the pictures in the album, "when the other five came along, I started dressing you alike so we won't pick up any that don't belong to us."

I wish I could put pictures here... When I sent this out as an email a year or so ago, I included a pix of a red 1910 Ford Model R with white tires & black seats & top. It is a real show stopper!!! Oh, well, you could go online & put that in your search engine to find an image of it. Anyway, here is what went with it:

The year is 1910, One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes!

Here are some statistics for the Year 1910:
************ ********* ************
The average life expectancy for men was 47 years.

Fuel for this car was sold in drug stores only.

Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.

Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.

There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles of paved roads.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!

The average US wage in 1910 was 22 cents per hour.

The average US worker made between $200 and $400 per year.

A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year, a dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.

Ninety percent of all Doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard.'

Sugar cost four cents a pound.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used Borax or egg yolks for shampoo. (If your wife was a hot head, did she get scrambled eggs in her hair?)

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from entering into their country for any reason.

The Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke

The American flag had 45 stars.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and iced tea hadn't been invented yet.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write and only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores.

Back then pharmacists said, 'Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.' (Shocking? DUH!)

Eighteen percent of households had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U. S. A.!

I am now going to forward this to someone else without typing it myself.

From there, it will be sent to others all over the WORLD - all in a matter of seconds!

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.

Retiree Bathtub Test

During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not a retiree should be put in an old age home?"

"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the retiree and ask him or her to empty the bathtub"

"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON, OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?

Hmmm...... it has been said that humans are supposedly the smartest creatures on the planet. Read this and scratch your head.
-----

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house.

To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: 'Free to good home. You want it, you take it.'

For three days the fridge sat there without anyone looking twice.

He eventually decided that people were too mistrustful of this deal.

So he changed the sign to read: 'Fridge for sale $50.'


The next day someone stole it!



-------------------------------------

*One day I was walking down the beach with

Some friends when someone shouted.....

'Look at that dead bird!'

Someone looked up at the sky and said...'where?'


----------------------------------------------------------

While looking at a house, my brother asked the

Estate agent which direction was north because

He didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, 'Does the sun rise in the north?'

My brother explained that the sun rises in the east

And has for sometime. She shook her head and said,

'Oh, I don't keep up with all that stuff......'


--------------------------------------------

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria,when we overheard an admin girl talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the beach.

She drove down in a convertible, but said.

She 'didn't think she'd get sunburned

because the car was moving'.

------------------------------------

My sister has a life saving tool in her car

Which is designed to cut through a seat belt

If she gets trapped. She keeps it in the car trunk.

-------------------------------------------------
THIS REALLY HAPPENED TO BILL & KATHLEEN AT THE BUFFALO N.Y. AIRPORT
I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area and went to the lost luggage office and reported the loss.

The woman there smiled and told me not to worry

because she was a trained professional and

said I was in good hands. 'Now,' she asked me,

'Has your plane arrived yet?'...

------------------------------------------------

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man

ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time then said 'Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.


And last, but not least:
Dumb as a box of Rocks....

TRUE STORY:

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi (Democratic Speaker of The House and Huge ObamaCare Supporter) happened to appear. Ms Pelosi took the opportunity to shmooze with the good doctor a bit and asked him a question with which he was most at ease.

'Would you mind telling me, Doctor,' she asked, 'how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?'


'Nothing is easier,' he replied. 'You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If the person hesitates, that puts you on the track..'


'What sort of question?' asked Pelosi.


Well, you might ask, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?''


Pelosi thought a moment, and then said with a nervous laugh, 'You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history.'


Sadly, they walk among us!

Traffic Camera :

A man was driving when he saw the flash of a traffic camera. He figured that his picture had been taken for exceeding the limit, even though he knew that he was not speeding... Just to be sure, he went around the block and passed the same spot, driving even more slowly, but again the camera flashed.


Now he began to think that this was quite funny, so he drove even slower as he passed the area again, but the traffic camera again flashed. He tried a fourth time with the same result.. He did this a fifth time and was now laughing when the camera flashed as he rolled past, this time at a snail's pace... Two weeks later, he got five tickets in the mail for driving without a seat belt..


You can't fix stupid!!!

Norm, thanks for the contributions. All I could do (besides laugh) was shake my head at these!!! These examples make one wonder where people put their brains (or if they have one???).

Can you identify with any of these??? For those who haven't reached this magic age, see what you have in your future??? Don't believe me??? Just wait...

Benefits of Being Over Sixty

1. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 


2. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 


3. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 


4. People call at 9 PM and ask, "Did I wake you?" 


5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 


6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 


7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 


8. You can eat dinner at 4 P.M. 


9. You can live without sex but not without glasses. 


10. You enjoy hearing about other people's operations. 


11. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 


12. You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it. 


13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 


14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
15. You sing along with elevator music. 


16. Your eyes won't get much worse. 


17. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 


18. You can't remember who sent you this list.

True story:

When first getting started with genealogy, I relied quite a bit on things my late husband's aunt Grace Shear told me. Did I know that there were real "American Indians" on her side of the family? I searched and searched, gave up, and just by chance I opened a Wisconsin census and there in black and white it stated, "Indianans." She had mistaken the state of birth (Indiana) for the culture (Indians).

Since then, and hundreds of grandparents later, we have about every culture imaginable in the family. It's wonderful.

Susie

Ahhh... SUMMERTIME 
And To Be A Kid Again

I want go back
 to the time when...
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-mo."
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "Do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly."
Catching the fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening.
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The net on a tennis court was the perfect height to play volleyball and rules didn't matter.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was "cooties"
It was unbelievable that dodge ball wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon, meant being caught with a slingshot.
Nobody was prettier than Mom.
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better.
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare."
Saturday morning cartoons weren't 30-minute ads for action figures.
No shopping trip was complete unless a new toy was brought home.
"Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
War was a card game.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Baseball cards in the spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavored chewable aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but also the fiercest protectors.
If you can remember most, or all, of these, then you have LIVED !!!!!

If you can remember most, or all, of these, then you have LIVED !!! - and you are probably less than 50 years old!

Did see a comment once about remembering being a kid: I miss teleporting, - I could fall asleep on the coach and woke up in bed next morning.

remember them all and well over 50

I also remember many of these and am well over 50... Was the oldest, but don't remember being a tormentor... loved homemade ice cream--it was the best!!!

George Carlin's Views on Aging

• Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.
•• 'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key.
•• You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead. 'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!
•• And then the greatest day of your life! You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!
•• But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're JUST a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?
•• You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away.
•• Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
•• But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!
••• So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.
•• You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!
•• You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there.
•• Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'
•• Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
•• May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

Some of my favorites from george carlin not research related "Think of how dumb the average person is. Now, realize that half of the humans on this planet are dumber than that (most of em no offense are on geni though i've met a few smart ones..) The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.' and my personal favorite The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.

My most traumatic & remembered birthday was when I turned 25--I realized I was a "quarter of a century" old and I was in the Navy stationed in Taiwan (so no family to help celebrate) and my date stood me up!!! I had a real pitty party!!! After that, one birthday was just like another--even the 1/2 century BD didn't faze me!

Do you have any birthdays you especially remember???

Michael, I love the real reason for why we can't post the Ten Commandments in a courthouse!!! It is priceless & sooooooo true!!! Then again, we allow a few to dictate to the many what we can/can't do...

An elder couple celebrating 50 years of married life together decided to mark this occasion by checking out each others dresser drawers to see what if any their life's secrets might reveal.
She went first as ladies do and only discovered underwear, suspenders and a few awards that her husband had acquired over the years.

He then started to check hers out. First he discovered an egg carton with 11 eggs in it and also discovered a very large stash of money.
He asked the meaning of the eggs and she admitted that at times she was unfaithful in the marriage, and that each time she would put an egg in the carton to remind her of her sin.
Well the old man thought about this and decided to forgive her ...as 11 times in 50 years was hurtful but acceptable.
He told her so and then asked about the large stash of cash.....

...She replied ...that each time she acquired a dozen eggs she would sell them.

The Census Taker

Author Unknown

It was the first day of census, and all through the land
The pollster was ready, a black book in hand.
He mounted his horse for a long dusty ride,
His book and some quills were tucked close by his side.

A long winding ride down a road barely there, 

Toward the smell of fresh bread wafting up through the air. 

The woman was tired, with lines on her face 

And wisps of brown hair she tucked back into place.

She gave him some water as they sat at a table 

And she answered his questions...the best she was able. 

He asked of her children; Yes, she had quite a few, 

The oldest was twenty, the youngest not two.

She held up a toddler with cheeks round and red, 

His sister, she whispered, was napping in bed. 

She noted each person who lived there with pride 

And she felt the faint stirrings of the wee one inside.

He noted the sex, the color, the age. 

The marks from the quill soon filled up the page. 

At the number of children, she nodded her head 

And saw her lips quiver for the three that were dead.

The places of birth she'll "never forgot", 

Was it Kansas? Or Utah? Or Oregon, or not? 

They came from Scotland, of that she was clear, 

But she wasn't quite sure just how long they'd been here.

They spoke of employment, of schooling and such, 

They could read some and write some, though really not much. 

When the questions were answered, his job there was done, 

So he mounted his horse and rode toward the sun.

We can almost imagine his voice loud and clear, 

"May God bless you all for another ten years."

Now picture a time warp, it's now you and me, 

As we search for the people on our family tree. 

We squint at the census and scroll down so slow 

As we search for that entry from long, long ago.

Could they only imagine on that long ago day 

That the entries they made would affect us this way? 

If they knew, would they wonder at the yearning we feel 

And the searching that makes them so increasingly real?

We can hear, if we listen, the words they impart 

Through their blood in our veins and their voices in our heart.

Getting a Passport

Before she died, an old lady wanted to visit England, the home of her ancestors. She went to the Federal Office and asked for a passport. 



"You must take the loyalty oath first," the passport clerk said. "Raise your right hand, please." The senior citizen raised her right hand as the clerk asked, "Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all enemies, domestic or foreign?" 



The sweet old face paled and the voice trembled as she responded, "Well, I guess so, but ... will I have help, or will I have to do it all by myself?"

I came across some "old" laws still on the books and went online to see if I could find more. Didn't really find old laws so much as "Crazy" laws and boy are some of them funny!!! Every stat and many cities have some really funny laws. Some are head scratchers making one wonder "Why???" Here are 53 and at the end is another site that had some goodies. If you are interested go online to check out your state to see laws that are on the books that you may be breaking... I didn't know that here in Glendale, AZ it is illegal to drive in reverse!!!

53 Crazy Laws

http://facts.randomhistory.com/crazy-laws.html

**Many of these laws were established during the end of the 1800s and early 1900s, when the United States was rapidly changing from an agricultural to industrial nation. Some of the laws went out of date or were repealed. Many are still on the books but not enforced.

1. Before 1920, it was illegal for women in the United States to vote. When women’s rights advocate Susan B. Anthony tried to vote in the 1872 election, she was arrested and fined $100.c
2. It’s illegal to ride an ugly horse in Wilbur, Washington.c
3. In Quitman, Georgia, chickens may not cross the road.c
4. In Mohave County, Arizona, if anyone is caught stealing soap, he must wash himself with it until the soap is gone.c
5. First cousins may marry in Utah, but only after they’re 65 years old.a
6. In North Dakota, no one can be arrested on the Fourth of July, a holiday that is commonly known there as “Five Finger Discount Day.”a
7. In Tennessee, it is illegal for children to play games on Sunday without a license.b
8. It is illegal in Tennessee for an atheist to hold office.b
9. In Indiana, it is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.a
10. It is illegal in California to lick toads. Apparently, some people were licking toads to get high. Unfortunately, some people were being harmed by the toads’ poison.d

11. It is against Michigan state law to tie a crocodile to a fire hydrant.a
12. An old Colorado law states that a person mush have a doctor’s prescription before taking a bath.c
13. Colorado law states that a man cannot marry his wife’s grandmother.b
14. In Kansas, when two trains meet at a crossing, “both shall come to full stop and neither shall start up again until the other has gone.”c
15. A woman in a housecoat is forbidden to drive a car in California.b
16. According to Minneapolis law, a person who double parks a car will be put on a chain gang with only bread and water to eat.b
17. In Michigan, a woman’s hair belongs to her husband.b
18. In Morrisville, Pennsylvania, it is illegal for a woman to wear cosmetics without a permit.b
19. A man is forbidden to kiss a woman while she’s asleep in Logan County, Colorado.d
20. In Challis, Idaho, it is illegal to walk down the street with another man’s wife.b

21. Flirting in Little Rock, Arkansas, can land someone in jail for 30 days.c
22. In Truro, Mississippi, a man must prove himself worthy before getting married by hunting and killing either six blackbirds or three crows.b
23. There are still laws in Pueblo, Colorado, stating that it is illegal to grow dandelions.b
24. A woman in Memphis, Tennessee, is not allowed to drive a car unless a man is in front of the car waving a red flag to warn people and other cars.b
25. It is illegal for children under the age of 12 to talk on the telephone unless accompanied by a parent in Blue Earth, Minnesota.b
26. In Kalispell, Montana, children must have a doctor’s note if they want to buy a lollipop.b
27. A representative from Oklahoma, Linda Larsen attempted to lower the divorce rate by proposing a law that would require the following before a marriage license would be issued: neither party should snore, at least one meal a week should be prepared by the non-primary cook, toothpaste should be squeezed from the bottom of the tube, pantyhose shouldn’t be left hanging in the shower, and the toilet seat should always be down when not being used.
28. In Eureka, Nevada, it is illegal for men who have mustaches to kiss women.b
29. It is illegal in Waco, Texas, to throw a banana peel onto the street because a horse could slip.d
30. In Texas, the Encyclopedia Britannica was banned because it contained a formula for making beer.b

31. Pickles were outlawed in Los Angeles because the smell might offend people.b
32. It’s illegal in St. Louis, Missouri, for a fireman to rescue a woman wearing a nightgown. If she wants to be rescued, she must be fully clothed.b
33. Hartford, Connecticut, banned men from kissing their wives on Sundays.d
34. Buying ice cream on Sundays was illegal in Ohio because it was thought to be frivolous and “luxurious.” Consequently, ice cream vendors would put fruit on top of the ice cream to make it more nutritious, creating the ice cream sundae.b
35. A woman wearing shorts, a halter top, or a bathing suit to a political rally in Wheatfield, Indiana, could be charged with a misdemeanor.d
36. In Lander, Wyoming, it is illegal for adults to take a bath more than once a month once the cold weather arrives. Children cannot take a bath at all during the winter.b
37. According to Florida law, anyone who takes a bath must wear clothes.b
38. Motorists in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, cannot park a car for more than two hours unless it is hitched to a horse.b
39. Women in Whitesville, Delaware, could be charged with disorderly conduct if they propose marriage to a man.b
40. In Kentucky, it is against the law to remarry the same man four times.a

41. There is a law in South Carolina that allows a husband to beat his wife on the courthouse steps on a Sunday.b
42. In Arizona, oral sex is considered sodomy.b
43. In Arizona, a man may legally beat his wife once a month, but no more.b
44. In Dyersburg, Tennessee, it is against the law for a girl to telephone a boy to ask for a date.b
45. In Kentucky, a woman is forbidden to wear a bathing suit on a highway unless she is armed with a club or is escorted by at least two officers. The amendment says that the provisions of this statue “shall not apply to a female weighing less than 90 pounds or exceeding 200 pounds.”b
46. According to an Atlanta, Georgia, ordinance, “smelly people” are not allowed to ride public streetcars.a
47. Massachusetts passed a law in 1648 that allowed a parent to put to death a stubborn or rebellious son. The law has been repealed by the legislature.b
48. In Massachusetts, a person could be fined up to $200 for denying the existence of God.d
49. In 1659, Massachusetts outlawed Christmas. According to state law, anybody observing Christmas would be fined five shillings.b
50. In California, ostrich steaks are exempt from state sales tax.b

51. In Lexington, Kentucky, it is against the law to carry an ice cream cone in a pocket.c
52. Policemen are allowed to bite a dog if they think it will calm the dog down in Paulding, Ohio.c
53. In Zeigler, Illinois, only the first four firemen to arrive at a fire will be paid.c

References
• a Koon, Jeff and Andy Powell. 2002. You May Not Tie an Alligator to a Fire Hydrant: 101 Real Dumb Laws. New York, NY: The Free Press.
• b Lindsell-Roberts, Sheryl. 2004. Whacky Laws, Weird Decisions, and Strange Statutes. New York, NY: Sterling Publishing Company.
• c Linz, Kathi. 2002. Chickens May Not Cross The Road and Other Crazy (But True) Laws. New York, NY: Houghton Mifflin Company.
• d Smith, Rich. 2006. You Can Get Arrested for That: 2 Guys, 25 Dumb Laws, 1 Absurd American Crime Spree. New York, NY: Random House, Inc.

Here is another site that has a long list of laws from the different states if you would like to see what may be “outlawed” or illegal in your state: http://www.bored.com/crazylaws/ (Some of the laws at this site may be on this list also.)

In addition to the site listed above, here are a couple more sites that list laws by state:
http://www.jimella.me.uk/laws01.cfm

http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/news/552746/posts

Those interested in British laws check out: http://www.britainexplorer.com/curious-british-laws.html
This site lists 26 Curious British Laws...

SENIOR TRYING TO CHANGE HIS/HER PASSWORD:

WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
>
> USER: cabbage
>
> WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must be more than 8
> characters.
>
> USER: boiled cabbage
>
> WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical
> character.
>
> USER: 1 boiled cabbage
>
> WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
>
> USER: 50bloodyboiledcabbages
>
> WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper
> case character.
>
> USER: 50BLOODYboiledcabbages
>
> WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper
> case character consecutively.
>
> USER:
> 50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourRearIfYouDon'tGiveMeAccessNow!
>
> WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
>
> USER:ReallyPissedOff50BloodyBoiledCabbagesShovedUpYourRearIfYouDontGiveMeAccessNow
>
> WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
>

Norm - I think that was one of the best ones !!

Norm, I love it!!!!!! Will share this one with those on my email list. I am sure there will be some who can identify!!!

My son came home from kindergarten on his first day of school very excited. He told of all the new kids, the new toys, and all of the daily activities. I asked if he was good for his teacher?

He replied, "Yes but this other kid wasn't. She got in trouble for touching the teacher's radio thing."

My husband asked what was going on, so I told the story as, "Some kid got in trouble for touching the teacher's radio."

My son said, "No Mom, the radio thing, the thing that plays the BIG CD'S."

Then we realized it was a record player and my son had no idea what it was. Enough to make you roll your eyes and feel very old, very fast!!!

Anybody still got any 8-tracks?

Longest Password

During a recent password audit by Google, it was found that a blonde was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyJeffersonCity"

When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said: "Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital."

The story of the kindergartener who didn't know what a recod player was reminds me of a time I went shopping for carbon paper to use with a manual typewriter. That was in the mid or late 1980's and I was still in my twenties. After unsuccessfully looking for the carbon paper in the office supplies aisle of a national chain discount store, I asked a young employee for help.

He directed me to the typing paper.

I said "no, you use it “with” typing paper."

He directed me to the photocopy paper. Then the whiteout.

I said "no, you put it “between” two sheets of paper and it makes a carbon copy for you."

He said "ma'am (I now was a ma'am!) I'm sorry but I've never heard of that and we don't carry it."

Boy did I feel old after that!!!

The Rugged Outdoor Woman

During her physical examination, a doctor asked a middle-aged woman about her physical activity level. The woman said she spent 3 days a week, every week in the outdoors.

"Well, yesterday afternoon was typical; I took a five hour walk about 7 miles through some pretty rough terrain. I waded along the edge of a lake. I pushed my way through 2 miles of brambles. I got sand in my shoes and my eyes. I barely avoided stepping on a snake. I climbed several rocky hills. I went to the bathroom behind some big trees. I ran away from an irate mother bear and then ran away from one angry bull Elk. The mental stress of it all left me shattered. At the end of it all I drank a scotch and three glasses of wine.
Amazed by the story, the doctor said... "You must be one hell of an outdoor woman!"
"No," the woman replied..... "I'm just a really, really bad golfer!!!"