Genealogy Humor

Started by Patricia Ann Scoggin on Tuesday, April 29, 2014
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10 Myths About the American Flag
Don't believe everything you've heard about the Stars and Stripes
by Aaron Kassraie, AARP, July 2, 2020 | Comments: 26

The American flag has evolved over time along with nation. The first official red, white and blue flag bearing 13 stars and 13 stripes debuted in 1777. Today's familiar 50-star flag dates back to 1960, the year after Alaska and Hawaii became states. Legends and misconceptions about the flag have also evolved over time. Here's a closer look at 10 myths about the American flag and the truth behind each of them.

* Myth #1: Betsy Ross created the first American flag
** The familiar story of George Washington walking into a shop and asking Betsy Ross to sew a flag originated with William Canby, a grandson of Ross, said Peter Ansoff, president of the North American Vexillological Association, a group devoted to the study of flags. Canby presented his tale with little supporting evidence to the Pennsylvania Historical Society in 1870, nearly a century after the original flag was created. He claimed Ross told him the story right before her death in 1836, when he would have been around 11 years old.
** "Obviously, he was still a youngster at the time, and he was writing this much later than that,” Ansoff said. “There are many discrepancies in the story — some things that just don't make sense."
** Since Washington was out in the field commanding the army, for example, he didn't spend much time in Philadelphia, where Ross’ upholstery shop was located. Additionally, flags were first made not for ground troops but for naval forces, which Washington had little to do with, Ansoff said. The true creator of the first American flag is likely lost to history.
* Myth #2: The flag has always had stars and stripes
** America's earliest flags did not have stars and stripes. A flag used in 1775, for example, did have stripes, but it displayed the British Union Jack crosses in the canton, the top left corner of the flag that's also known as the union. The primary use of a national flag at that time was for naval ships to be able to recognize each other.
** Congress didn't adopt the flag with 13 stars and 13 stripes as the official U.S. flag until 1777.
* Myth #3: Americans have always flown the flag
** Prior to the Civil War, flags were really only flown in an official capacity on ships, forts and government buildings. “In the antebellum period, if a citizen had flown his flag on his house or carriage, people would have thought that was strange. Why is he doing that? He's not the government,” Ansoff said.
** The outbreak of war in 1861 quickly changed Americans’ attitudes about displaying the flag.
** "At the beginning of the Civil War there was an outburst of patriotism,” Ansoff said, “and very soon, you saw people flying flags everywhere to show their support for the Union cause."
* Myth #4: Red, white and blue have official meanings
** The colors of the flag were not assigned any official meaning when the first flag was adopted in 1777. The traditional meanings assigned to the colors may have arisen five years later, in 1782, when Charles Thompson, the secretary of the Continental Congress, waxed poetic about the colors in the Great Seal of the United States, which he helped design. Thompson described the red in the seal as representing hardiness and valor; the white, purity and innocence; and the blue, vigilance, perseverance and justice.
** As for the origin of the red-white-and-blue color scheme, it's likely no coincidence that the British flag bore the same three colors.
* Myth #5: It's against the law to burn the American flag
** In the landmark case Texas v. Johnson in 1989, the Supreme Court ruled that desecrating the American flag is a form of speech protected by the First Amendment. Defendant Gregory Lee Johnson had burned a flag in an act of protest at the 1984 Republican National Convention in Dallas. Prior to that ruling it was, indeed, illegal to burn the flag.
** Subsequent efforts on the judicial and legislative fronts to make flag burning illegal again have failed.
* Myth #6: It's illegal to wear clothing bearing the flag
** The Flag Code is a set of flag etiquette guidelines developed in 1923 by the American Legion and other organizations. It was adopted as law by Congress in 1942. However, the Flag Code does not have an enforcement mechanism. There are no flag police.
** Wearing clothing made from an actual American flag would be a breach of etiquette, according to the American Legion, but it said you wouldn't be breaking the law by wearing clothing bearing a flag design: “People are simply expressing their patriotism and love of country by wearing an article of clothing that happens to be red, white, and blue with stars and stripes. There is nothing illegal about the wearing or use of these items."
* Myth #7: A flag that touches the ground must be destroyed
** According to the Flag Code, the American flag should never touch anything beneath it, including the ground, the floor or the water. “People have taken that to mean that if it ever does that, then it should be destroyed,” said Jeff Hendricks, deputy director of Americanism at the American Legion.
** However, that's not necessarily the case. Flags should be destroyed only when they are no longer in good enough condition to be displayed. If touching the ground didn't render the flag unfit for display, then it shouldn't be destroyed. Once a flag is unfit for display, burning it is the preferred method of destruction.
* Myth #8: The flag should never be flown at night
** Although it's customary to display the American flag from sunrise to sunset, the flag can be displayed 24 hours a day as long as it is illuminated through the night, according to the Flag Code.
** "What we've taken that to mean is that it must have sufficient light that the average passerby can readily identify it as the flag of the United States,” Hendricks said.
*.Myth #9: Only a veteran's coffin can be draped with the American flag
** "Nowhere in [the Flag Code] does it say that the flag may only cover the casket of a veteran,” said Hendricks, noting that the myth may stem from the fact that the Department of Veterans Affairs provides flags for the services of veterans and active-duty service members. “However, there's nothing in the language of the Flag Code that would prevent anyone else from having a flag that covers their casket."
** When a flag is used to cover a coffin, it should be placed with the union — the blue field with stars — at the head and over the left shoulder. The flag should not be lowered into the grave or allowed to touch the ground.
* Myth #10: The flag must always be folded into a triangle for storage
** Folding a flag into a triangle for storage, with only the blue union and stars visible, is part of tradition, said Hendricks, not a requirement of the Flag Code. Flags on a staff are properly stored in an entirely different manner that doesn't involve folding.
** "Flags that are affixed to a staff are typically rolled around the staff and then a burlap case is placed over the flag and staff,” he said. “So, at that point, you can handle it like luggage. It's been properly stored."

Patricia Ann Scoggin, I could see the privacy issue as a problem to surmount, but if family had them as a public profile and deceased, I imagine it would be an option and an honor. Just a passing thought.

Natural Highs

Think about them one at a time before going on to the next one. It Does Make You Feel Good, especially #45.

1. Falling in love.
2. Laughing so hard your face hurts.
3. A hot shower.
4. No lines at the supermarket.
5. A special glance.
6. Getting mail.
7. Taking a drive on a pretty road.
8. Hearing your favorite song on the radio.
9. Lying in bed listening to the rain outside.
10. Hot towels fresh out of the dryer.
11. Chocolate milkshake (vanilla or strawberry).
12. A bubble bath.
13. Giggling.
14. A good conversation.
15. The beach
16. Finding a 20 dollar bill in your coat from last winter.
17. Laughing at yourself.
18. Looking into their eyes and knowing they Love you
19. Midnight phone calls that last for hours.
20. Running through sprinklers.
21. Laughing for absolutely no reason at all.
22. Having someone tell you that you're beautiful.
23. Laughing at an inside joke with FRIENDS.
24. Hearing the laughter of a child.
25. Accidentally overhearing someone say something nice about you.
26. Waking up and realizing you still have a few hours left to sleep.
27. Your first kiss (either the very first or with a new partner).
28. Making new friends or spending time with old ones.
29. Playing with a new puppy.
30. Having someone play with your hair.
31. Sweet dreams.
32. Hot chocolate.
33. Road trips with friends.
34. Swinging on swings.
35. Making eye contact with a cute stranger.
36. Making chocolate chip cookies.
37. Having your friends send you homemade cookies.
38. Holding hands with someone you care about.
39. Running into an old friend and realizing that some things (good or bad) never change.
40. Watching the expression on someone's face as they open a much-desired present from you.
41. Watching the sunrise.
42. Getting out of bed every morning and being grateful for another beautiful day.
43. Knowing that somebody misses you.
44. Getting a hug from someone
you care about deeply.
45. Knowing you've done the right thing, no matter what other people think.

Patricia Ann Scoggin, can I share the above? It is priceless. Thanks so much. I think we all need to hear this, remember this, plan for the future of this. Susanne

@Susan Floyd Gunter, yes, feel free to share anything I post here.

For those in the USA, this 11+ min video a different view & appreciation of the "Star Spangled Banner" song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YaxGNQE5ZLA

Patricia Ann Scoggin,

Thanks for finding that clip. I knew that the Star Spangled Banner was written by Francis Scott Key.

I didn't know that it was written about the attack on Fort Henry in Baltimore.

Kevin

Patricia Ann Scoggin,

The English version of O Canada was written as a poem by The Honourable Robert Stanley Weir in 1908. It was updated in 2018 to make it gender neutral.

The French version was written by Judge Adolphe-Basile Routhier and the lyrics were composed by Calixa Lavallée. This was done in 1880. The song was to be performed in honour of the Congrès national des Canadiens-Français (National Congress of French Canadian), on June 24, 1880, at the same time as the Saint-Jean-Baptiste Day celebrations.

Saint-Jean-Baptiste Day is the National Day of Quebec.

Here's a link to the Federal Act that made it Canada's National Anthem: http://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/acts/N-2/index.html

Before that it was God Save the Queen or God Save the King.

Kevin

Kevin Lawrence Hanit, have you added your info about the song "O Canada" to The Honourable Robert Stanley's profile???

I added the video (URL) to Francis Scott Key's profile in the About section under the comment that he had written the song.

Patricia Ann Scoggin,

He currently doesn't have a profile on Geni.

Guess that I'm going to have to create it.

Kevin

Patricia Ann Scoggin,

Here's his profile: Robert Stanley Weir, FRSC.

Kevin

Kevin Lawrence Hanit His profile looks good!

Why, Why, Why

Why, Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead?
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Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money?
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Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet?
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Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
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Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
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Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
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Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?
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If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
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Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
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Is there ever a day that mattresses are NOT on sale?
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Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
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Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
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Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
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How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
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When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're going?'
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Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
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In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
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How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
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And my FAVORITE...

The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
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~~~ Now send this on to your friends and make them smile too! ~~~

** A day without a smile is like a day without sunshine! **

Hi Patricia.
Where are you? Don`t worry about humor. Just reply so that we can see you're still kicking.

Hi Patricia.
Where are you? Don`t worry about humor. Just reply so that we can see you're still kicking.

I'm still alive and kicking and staying healthy--socially distancing, wearing a mask when I do go out and washing my hands. Here is a genealogy poem.

Just Folks

I am like him, so they say,
Who was dead before I came.
Cheeks and mouth and eyes of gray
Have been fashioned much the same.

I am like her, so they say,
Who was dead ere I was born,
And I walk the self-same way
On the paths her feet have worn.

There is that within my face
And the way I hold my head
Which seems strangely to replace
Those who long have joined the dead.

Thus across the distance far
In the body housing me
Both my great-grandparents are
Kept alive in memory.

Edgar A. Guest 1934

Washington Post's Mensa Invitational (2011)
The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition. Here are the winners:

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole. (Stolen from Doug Manley, who coined it several years ago to describe those yokels who drive their asphalt grey cars on two-lane country roads without turning on their headlights during conditions of semi-darkness, thick fog, and blinding rain, and then flip you off after you flash your lights at them as a reminder).
3. Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It’s like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you’ve accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you’re eating.

Love these Patricia Ann Scoggin! Thanks for sharing.

The Washington Post (Alternate meanings)
has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.
And the winners in 2011 are:
1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Food for thought...

Words:
Selfish 1- letter “I” Avoid it.

Satisfying 2-letter “WE” Use it.

Poisonous 3-letter “EGO” Kill it.

Most used 4-letter “LOVE” Value it.

Pleasing 5-letter “SMILE” Keep it.

Fastest spreading 6-letter “RUMOUR” Ignore it.

Hardest working 7-letter “SUCCESS” Achieve it.

Enviable 8-letter “JEALOUSY” Distance it.

Powerful 9-letter “KNOWLEDGE” Acquire it.

Essential 10-letter “CONFIDENCE” Trust it.
*********************
You change for two reasons: 

Either you learn enough that you want to
or
you’ve been hurt enough that you have to.

Change reminds you that you are living outside


Love reminds you that you should live Inside.

Speeding Ticket???

An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? 


* Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding. 


Older Woman: Oh, I see. 


* Officer: Can I see your license please? 



Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. 


* Officer: Don't have one? 


Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving. 


* Officer: I see... Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. 


Older Woman: I can't do that. 

* Officer: Why not?

Older Woman: I stole this car. 

* Officer: Stole it? 


Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. 


* Officer: You what? 



Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.
* 

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. 


* Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. 



Older woman: Is there a problem sir? 

* Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. 



Older Woman: Murdered the owner? 


* Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. 



The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. 


* Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? 



Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. 
The officer is quite stunned.
* Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. 


* Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. 



Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too!!!!



* Moral of the story: Don't Mess With Old Ladies

If you want to brighten someone's day, pass this on to someone you know.

Observations-no politics

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.

To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

Interviewer: "So, tell me about yourself." Me: "I'd rather not. I kinda want this job."
Cop: "Please step out of the car." Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in."

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say "Did you bring the money?"

When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say 'nothing,' it doesn't mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

I run like the winded.

I hate it when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

When I ask for directions, please don't use words like “East."

It's the start of a brand-new day, and I'm off like a herd of turtles in a bucket of glue.

Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you out.

That moment when you walk into a spider's web suddenly turns you into a karate master.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

Sometimes, from out of nowhere, someone unexpected comes into your life, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

I know you are going to laugh or groan at these!!!

Lexophilia

• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro - what a rip off.

• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last .
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!

• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.

• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.

• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.

• I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

• I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

• When chemists die, they barium.

• I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.

• I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

• Broken pencils are pointless.

• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

• Velcro - what a rip off.

• Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.

Love the "broken pencil" one. Will use it with my students. Hope you are safe and well, Patricia Ann Scoggin!

Rules of Life
According to Maxine

Sometimes we need to remember WHAT the Rule of Life really are.

1. Never give yourself a haircut after three alcoholic beverages of any kind.
2. You need only two tools: WD-40 and duct tape!
** If it doesn’t move and it should, use the WD-40.
** If it moves and it shouldn’t, use the duct tape
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship are "I apologize” and “You are right.”
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It’s easier to eat crow while it’s still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was: “Go! You might meet somebody!”
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her – believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles. Ask yourself, “Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?”
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
12. Work is good, but it’s not that important.
13. And finally; Be really nice to your friends and family. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.

Maxine says: “I find it helps to organize chores into categories: ‘Things I won’t do now; Things I won’t do later; Things I’ll Never do…”

Happy New Year Message

With lots of Hopes and good wishes, fresh with enthusiasm and joy, wishing you a great…

Harmonious January
Adorable February
Prosperous March
Pleasant April
Youthful May

Nice June
Exciting July
Welcoming August

Yielding September
Enlightened October
Awesome November
Rocking December

May 2021 be much better & healthier than 2020!!!

How Russell J Larsen Really Died…

Russell J Larsen died not knowing he won the “Coolest Headstone Contest”. Here are the five rules for men to follow for a happy life that he had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah.

1. It is important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It is important to have a woman who can make you laugh.
3. It is important to have a woman who you can trust and doesn’t lie to you.
4. It is important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes to be with you.
5. It is of the utmost importance that these four women do not get to know each other, or you could end up dead like me.

Hope you chuckle when you get to the end.

…’Now I'm short and fat!'
Ain't it the Truth!!!

A woman goes to the doctor for her yearly physical and is asked the basic items.
'How much do you weigh?' the nurse asks.

'115,' she says.

The nurse puts her on the scale. It turns out her weight is 140.

The nurse asks, 'Your height?'

'5 foot 8,' she says.

The nurse checks and sees that she only measures 5' 5”.

She then takes her blood pressure and tells the woman it is very high.

'Of course it's high!' she screams, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!'

I wish we could put the "chuckle" emojis on here. That is exactly how I feel! Thanks for the Friday laugh, Patricia Ann Scoggin

Susanne Floyd -- glad I made you laugh!!!

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