Genealogy Humor

Started by Patricia Ann Scoggin on Tuesday, April 29, 2014
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Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems.

Finally, the other man said, "You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law.

"Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother.

"This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather!

"And you think you have family problems!"

"For Sure"! Thank you for sharing . . .

Congratulations Fay, you did really good! You qualify for being a Baby Boomer!!!
Missed a couple:
# 9 Timex watch
# 11 could also be the draft card
# 12 could also be the Bug
# 14 Sputnik
# 15 Hula Hoop

Here is another example of creative Genealogy.

One Way to Handle Those "Problem" Ancestors

The Smiths were proud of their family story. Their ancestors had come to America on the Mayflower.

The family tree included Senators as well as Wall Street millionaires.
They decided to compile a family history as a legacy for their children and grandchildren.

But as they gathered facts, a huge problem arose.
How could they possibly include that unwanted information about great-uncle George, who had been EXECUTED IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR!!!

They hired a professional writer, who told them, "NO PROBLEM".
He promised to handle the story tactfully. And so he did.

The book was published, and here's what it said about Uncle George:
"Great-Uncle George occupied a chair of applied electronics at an important government institution. He was attached to his position by the strongest of ties, and indeed his death came as a great shock."

Elise, I would sure hate to have to build that family tree!!!

Thanks for your contribution. I hope others will share also. With so few commenting, I am unsure how many are reading this discussion.

Pat

It's My Funeral

As the old man lies dying in the bedroom, out in the parlor the family discusses funeral arrangements. Son Gary says, "We'll make a real big thing out of it. We'll have five hundred people. We'll order fifty limos."


Daughter Grace says, "Why do you want to waste money like that? We'll have the family and maybe a few friends. One limo just for us." 



They proceed. Grandson Jeff says, "We'll have lots of flowers. We'll surround him with dozens of roses and lilies, dozens and dozens."

Daughter Alice says, "What a waste! We'll have one little bouquet, that's enough." 



Suddenly, the voice of the old man is heard, wafting weakly from the bedroom, "Why don't you get me my pants? I'll walk to the cemetery."

I've been with geni for a little over a year - and just found out about several discussions, including this one. Please don't give up - it gives me a good laugh.!

Elise

This was very interesting. It reminds us as it says at the end, "Freedom in never free!" I hadn't planned to look on Snopes for info about the signing of the Declaration of Independence. However, there was a site about this info. I hope you will go to the Snopes site listed at the end & read more about these men. This is a mixture of true & false info. Regardless, they were still courageous men as are all men and women who believe in & fight for independence. Have a safe & happy 4th of July & weekend.
Hugs,
Pat

Subject: Fwd: 4th Of July:

What happened to the 56 men who signed the Declaration of Independence?

Five signers were captured by the British as traitors, and tortured before they died.

Twelve had their homes ransacked and burned.

Two lost their sons serving in the Revolutionary Army; another had two sons captured.

Nine of the 56 fought and died from wounds or hardships of the Revolutionary War.

They signed and they pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor.

What kind of men were they?

Twenty-four were lawyers and jurists.

Eleven were merchants, nine were farmers and large plantation owners; men of means, well-educated, but they signed the Declaration of Independence knowing full well that the penalty would be death if they were captured.

Carter Braxton of Virginia, a wealthy planter and trader, saw his ships swept from the seas by the British Navy. He sold his home and properties to pay his debts, and died in rags.

Thomas McKeam was so hounded by the British that he was forced to move his family almost constantly. He served in the Congress without pay, and his family was kept in hiding. His possessions were taken from him, and poverty was his reward.

Vandals or soldiers looted the properties of Dillery, Hall, Clymer, Walton, Gwinnett, Heyward, Ruttledge, and Middleton.

At the battle of Yorktown, Thomas Nelson, Jr, noted that the British General Cornwallis had taken over the Nelson home for his headquarters. He quietly urged General George Washington to open fire. The home was destroyed, and Nelson died bankrupt.

Francis Lewis had his home and properties destroyed. The enemy jailed his wife, and she died within a few months.

John Hart was driven from his wife's bedside as she was dying. Their 13 children fled for their lives. His fields and his gristmill were laid to waste. For more than a year he lived in forests and caves, returning home to find his wife dead and his children vanished.

So, take a few minutes while enjoying your 4th of July holiday and silently thank these patriots. It's not much to ask for the price they paid.

Remember: freedom is never free! We thank these early patriots, as well as those patriots now fighting to KEEP our freedom!

According to Snopes this is a mixture of true & false info. See:

http://www.snopes.com/history/american/pricepaid.asp

The info here was really interesting!!!

Do you know who the signers of the Declaration of Independence were???
Here is a list:

Signing of the United States Declaration of Independence
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Signing_of_the_United_States_Declarati...

Fifty-six delegates eventually signed the Declaration:
President of Congress:
1. John Hancock
(Massachusetts)
New Hampshire:
2. Josiah Bartlett
3. William Whipple
4. Matthew Thornton
Massachusetts:
5. Samuel Adams
6. John Adams
7. Robert Treat Paine
8. Elbridge Gerry
Rhode Island:
9. Stephen Hopkins
10. William Ellery
Connecticut:
11. Roger Sherman
12. Samuel Huntington
13. William Williams
14. Oliver Wolcott
New York:
15. William Floyd
16. Philip Livingston
17. Francis Lewis
18. Lewis Morris
New Jersey:
19. Richard Stockton
20. John Witherspoon
21. Francis Hopkinson
22. John Hart
23. Abraham Clark
Pennsylvania:
24. Robert Morris
25. Benjamin Rush
26. Benjamin Franklin
27. John Morton
28. George Clymer
29. James Smith
30. George Taylor
31. James Wilson
32. George Ross
Delaware:
33. George Read
34. Caesar Rodney
35. Thomas McKean
Maryland:
36. Samuel Chase
37. William Paca
38. Thomas Stone
39. Charles Carroll of Carrollton
Virginia:
40. George Wythe
41. Richard Henry Lee
42. Thomas Jefferson
43. Benjamin Harrison
44. Thomas Nelson, Jr.
45. Francis Lightfoot Lee
46. Carter Braxton
North Carolina:
47. William Hooper
48. Joseph Hewes
49. John Penn
South Carolina:
50. Edward Rutledge
51. Thomas Heyward, Jr.
52. Thomas Lynch, Jr.
53. Arthur Middleton
Georgia:
54. Button Gwinnett
55. Lyman Hall
56. George Walton

Who Says We Are Not Relatives

24 Generations Starting With Yourself = 8,388,608 People
It is mind boggling as to the number of ancestors we could have in common
1 = YOURSELF==Generation 1 

2 = YOUR parents===2 

4 = grandparents===3 

8 = g-grandparents===4 

16 = gg grandparents===5 

32 = ggg grandparents===6 

64 = gggg grandparents===7 

128 = ggggg grandparents===8 

256 = gggggg grandparents===9 

512 = ggggggg grandparents===10 

1,024 = gggggggg grandparents===11 

2,048 = ggggggggg grandparents===12 

4,096 = gggggggggg grandparents===13 

8,192 = ggggggggggg grandparents===14 

16,384 = gggggggggggg grandparents===15 

32,768 = ggggggggggggg grandparents===16 

65,536 = gggggggggggggg grandparents===17 

131,072 = ggggggggggggggg grandparents===18 

262,144 = gggggggggggggggg grandparents===19 

524,288 = ggggggggggggggggg grandparents===20 

1,048,576 = gggggggggggggggggg grandparents===21 

2,097,152 = ggggggggggggggggggg grandparents===22
4,194,304 = gggggggggggggggggggg grandparents===23 

================================================== 

8,388,608 people = 24 generations starting with yourself
NOW!!!!!!!!! SOME WHERE IN THERE YOU ARE SURELY RELATED TO ME...

Hope you get a chuckle from this one.

The Tiny Cabin

A social worker from a big City in Massachusetts recently transferred to Mountains of West Virginia and was on first tour of her new territory when she came upon the tiniest cabin she had ever seen in her life. Intrigued, she went up and knocked on the door.
"Anybody home?" she asked.
"Yep," came a kid's voice through the door.
"Is your father there?" asked the social worker.
"Pa? Nope, he left afore Ma came in," said the kid.
"Well, is your mother there?" persisted the social worker.
"Ma? Nope, she left just afore I got here," said the kid.
"But," protested the social worker, "are you never together as a family?"
"Sure, but not here," said the kid through the door. "This is the outhouse!"
Government workers are so very smart.

Grandma's Apron

When I used to visit Grandma.
I was very much impressed,
by her all-purpose apron,
and the power it possessed.
For Grandma, it was everyday
to choose one when she dressed.
The strings were tied and freshly washed,
and maybe even pressed.
The simple apron that it was,
you would never think about;
the things she used it for,
that made it look worn out.

She used it for a basket,
when she gathered up the eggs,
and flapped it as a weapon,
when hens pecked her feet and legs.
She used it to carry kindling
when she stoked the kitchen fire.
And to hold a load of laundry,
or to wipe the clothesline wire.
She used it for a hot pad,
to remove a steaming pan,
and when her brow was heated,
she used it for a fan.
It dried our childish tears,
when we'd scrape a knee and cry,
and made a hiding place
when the little ones were shy.
Farm produce took in season,
in the summer, spring and fall,
found its way into the kitchen
from Grandma's carry all.
When Grandma went to heaven,
God said she now could rest.
I'm sure the apron she chose that day,
was her Sunday best.

Author unknown

No Footprints on the Sands of Time
OR
Oh, for a court record on gggggggrandpa

It's nice to come from gentle folk
Who wouldn't stoop to brawl
Who never took a lusty poke
At anyone at all.
Who never raised a raucous shout
At any country inn
Or calmed an ugly fellow lout
With a belaying pin.
Who never shot a revenuer
Hunting for the still
Who never rustled cattle, who're
Pleased with uncle's will.
Who lived their lives out as they ought,
With no uncouth distractions,
And shunned like leprosy the thought
Of taking legal action.
It's nice to come from gentle folk
Who've never known disgrace,
But oh,though scandal is no joke
It's easier to trace!

By Virginia Scott Miner, Saturday Evening Post November 22,1941

This one is a hoot!!! (At least I think so.) Hope you think so also. It would definitely be interesting to do a tree on.

10 Husbands, Still a Virgin

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom.
"How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
Husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
Husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
Husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
Husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
Husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
Husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
Husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
Husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
Husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... God! I miss him!
But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm gonna get screwed!"

That is a really good one!!

Some may consider this one a little "naughty"!!! It is still funny. I wish I could include images with some of these... I had a cartoon of a man with a black eye "speaking" to a woman with this one...

The Undertaker's Story

Roy, an undertaker in Pennsylvania came home with a black eye.

"What happened to you?" asked his wife.

“I had a terrible day," replies Roy. ”I had to go to a hotel and pick up a man who had died in his sleep. When I got there, the manager said they couldn't get him into a body bag because he had this huge erection. Anyway, I find the room and, sure enough, there's this big naked guy lying on the bed with this huge erection. So I grabbed it with both hands and tried to snap it in half."

"I see," says his wife. "But how did you get the black eye?"

Roy replies, "Wrong room!

BIG LOL on the 10 times married.

The next one was quite cute too.

This one is a "groaner"... but you may still laugh!!!

80-year Old Marries for the 4th Time...

The local news station was interviewing an 80-year-old lady because she had just gotten married for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband's occupation. "He's a funeral director," she answered.

"Interesting," the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn't mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living. She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she had first married a banker when she was in her early 20's, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40's, and a preacher when in her 60's, and now in her 80's, a funeral director.

The interviewer looked at her, quite astonished, and asked why she had married four men with such diverse careers.
|
|
|
\/

(wait for it...)

She smiled and explained, "I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go."

(Oh, just hush-up and send this one on.)

Haven't been getting many responses to these so don't know if it is because not many are reading it or the new Geni system for discussion notification (really don't like it!!!!) or if those that do read are just not "talkative"??? Sorry that some are so long, but many are one I have sent in emails where length doesn't matter! I am running out of ones that are strictly genealogy related & have resorted to going back thru some of the ones I have sent in emails. Do have some that are genealogy related & will send them in between other humorous ones. Hope you do enjoy these & would appreciate it if you have some humorous stories you would feel free to add them here.
Hugs,
Pat

Life in the 50’s
LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH

I have no idea who put this together, but it is wonderful!!

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me.

For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

We learned to gut a muffler; we washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.

We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.

We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'
And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.

And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.
We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.

We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T,
And Oprah couldn't talk yet, in the Land That Made Me, Me.
We had our share of heroes; we never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.

For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.

And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees,
Madonna was Mary in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed, but they were not grown in jars.

And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never co-ed in the Land That Made Me, Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.

And hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me, Me.

Buicks came with portholes, and sideshows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.

And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me, Me.

We had no Crest with Fluoride; we had no Hill Street Blues,
We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea,
Or prime-time ads for those dysfunctions in the Land That Made Me, Me.

There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill.

And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me, Me.

But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.
They send us invitations to join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me, Me.

So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.
And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me, Me.

If you didn't grow up in the fifty's, you missed the greatest time in history.

Keep them coming Patricia Ann Scoggin. I do read them and laugh my troubles away, but don't have any to share.

Cheers,
aznijar.

Keep them coming- I enjoy my morning laugh with my coffee.
Cheers Colleen

Thanks for the encouragement. Since so few make comments (even short ones) I never know how many people are reading what I am putting here and if I am on the right track with the humor/info...

I will try to limit the FYI info kind to around holidays--FYI's which tie in to genealogy by explaining how we got the holiday. If those from other than the USA would like to include info with customs/traditions, explanations on how the holiday came into being, etc about holidays in your country, feel free to add it here around the time of the holiday. Maybe we can even get a discussion or two or more going on holiday customs & traditions both in the US & other countries.

If anyone would like me to add you to my email mailing list to receive humorous/inspirational & sometimes FYI emails with images (can't put them here) please send me a message at my home email address: pscoggin@cox.net
I respect your privacy by removing all prior addresses & use the Bcc line for those I am sending to. If there are any kind you prefer NOT to receive, let me know & I will attempt to respect your wishes. By the way, I love Maxine cartoons & frequently send out a bunch of those or include them as appropriate with the "story". I am rather prolific with the emails I send out--usually at least 1 & sometimes more, esp. around holidays. Many of the ones here that are stretching their connection to genealogy are some I have sent in the past. I just forwarded & then found more on Chalk art.

Have a great day everyone.
Angels be with you,
Pat

Here is a problem I hope you are never confronted with, but if you don't laugh by the end, you may need to get your funny bone checked.

Cancel Your Credit Card Before You Die

Now some people are really stupid!!!! Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die. This is so priceless, and so, so easy to see happening, customer service being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00 when she died, but now somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank.

Here is the exchange:

Family Member: 'I am calling to tell you she died back in January.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'Maybe, you should turn it over to collections.'

Citibank: 'Since it is two months past due, it already has been.'

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?'

Citibank: 'Either report her account to frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!'

Family Member: 'Do you think God will be mad at her?'

Citibank: 'Excuse me?'

Family Member: 'Did you just get what I was telling you - the part about her being dead?'

Citibank: 'Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor.'

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member: 'I'm calling to tell you, she died back in January with a $0 balance.'

Citibank: 'The account was never closed and late fees and charges still apply.'

Family Member: 'You mean you want to collect from her estate?'

Citibank: (Stammer) 'Are you her lawyer?'

Family Member: 'No, I'm her great nephew.' (Lawyer info was given)

Citibank: 'Could you fax us a certificate of death?'

Family Member: 'Sure.' (Fax number was given )

After they get the fax:

Citibank: 'Our system just isn't setup for death. I don't know what more I can do to help.'

Family Member: 'Well, if you figure it out, great! If not, you could just keep billing her. She won't care.'

Citibank: 'Well, the late fees and charges will still apply.'

(What is wrong with these people?!?)

Family Member: 'Would you like her new billing address?'

Citibank: 'That might help...'

Family Member: 'Odessa Memorial Cemetery, Highway 129, Plot Number 69.'

Citibank: 'Sir, that's a cemetery!'

Family Member: 'And what do you do with dead people on your planet???'

(Priceless!!)
And you wondered why Citi is going broke and needs the feds to bail them out!!

Save Obit notices....then copy to those idiots......

They (noone in sprecific) believes a single person....they might get the idea from a newpaper.

My mother was in a nursing home when she passed away. A few months later, I got a Summary of Benefits from Medicare - they paid the nursing home doctor for her bill she submitted for the discharge. I'm waiting to get a Summary of Benefits for a date of service AFTER she passed away! It's a good thing she banked with Chase, not Citibank....

It took AOL.COM a year to 'get' the fact that my mother-in-law was not going to be paying to renew her account - after her death (this was some years ago). It seems the account could only be closed by logging into it -- and no one knew her password -- so when the credit card was closed (actually, no hassles there!) AOL kept calling ... for nearly a year!

Thanks for your comments. I am sure there are more similar stories that others have also had. I liked his idea of sending her "new address" to the company. It is getting pretty bad when a copy of the death certificate isn't enough proof!!!

Hope this tickles your funny bone. When I saw the first one it reminded me of a book I read which had a grandfather named Kris K. Ringle, dtr Noel, granddaughter Carroll, granddaughter Christmas. Of course it was a Christmas story...

British 1881 Census –Interesting Finds…

Interesting details discovered during the process of indexing the British 1881 Census. (Found in the Ensign magazine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, March 1996, p. 58.)

1. The wife, mother, and daughter of James Christmas were all named Mary Christmas
2. Frank Guest was listed as a visitor
3. Harriet Goodhand was listed as a domestic servant
4. The families of William Lovegrove, Henry Dearlove, and William Darling all lived on the same block in Oxfordshire
5. A woman named Rose married Robert Garden
6. Emma Boatwright married a seaman
7. Mr. Thorn lived in Rose Cottage
8. Robert Speed, a bus driver and post runner
9. Robert Robb, a detective officer
10. Phoebe Brain, a scholar
11. One woman's birthplace was listed as "in stage coach between Nottingham and Derby"
12. John Pounder, a blacksmith
13. William Scales, a piano maker
14. Herman Hamberger, born in Greece
15. Curious occupations: dirt refiner, hoveller, moleskin saver, piano puncher, sparable cutter, spittle maker, tingle maker, and whim driver
16. Twin four-year-olds named Peter the Great and William the Conqueror
17. Brothers named Seaman and Landsman
18. The occupation of three daughters was entered as "They toil not, neither do they spin"

This really is a true story...though I'm paraphrasing the conversation...

My mother passed a few years back...she had been living in a nursing home. I picked up her last bills, one of which was to the TV Cable Co.

I phoned to cancel the cable service:

Me: Hi I'm calling to cancel my mothers service, she passed away.

Cable: Is the service in your name ?

Me: No it's in my mother's name.

Cable: I'm sorry she has to cancel the service herself.

Me: How do you suggest she do that...I told you She can't she died.

Cable: It's a rule of ours sir, only the person in whose name the service is in can cancel it.

Me: Well then you'll have to forward the bills to her new address.

Cable: Where is that sir?

Me: Eden Memorial Park.

Cable: Is that an apartment or a home sir?

Me: It's a box number!

Me: Do you have my phone number & address?

Cable: No Sir.

Me: GOOD!!!...If you hear from hear please let me know!

Showing 181-210 of 2114 posts

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