Genealogy Humor

Don't forget to go to Math!
Cordially, Dick Ragland

The Millionaire

At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I'm a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to God's work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today."

He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you to do it again."

The Light Turned Yellow...
A good reminder for all of us.

The light turned yellow, just in front of him. He did the right thing, stopping at the crosswalk, even though he could have beaten the red light by accelerating through the intersection.

The tailgating woman was furious and honked her horn, screaming in frustration, as she missed her chance to get through the intersection, dropping her cell phone and makeup.

As she was still in mid-rant, she heard a tap on her window and looked up into the face of a very serious police officer. The officer ordered her to exit her car with her hands up.

He took her to the police station where she was searched, fingerprinted, photographed, and placed in a holding cell.

After a couple of hours, a policeman approached the cell and opened the door.  She was escorted back to the booking desk where the arresting officer was waiting with her personal effects.

He said, "I'm very sorry for this mistake. You see, I pulled up behind your car while you were blowing your horn, flipping off the guy in front of you and cussing a blue streak at him. I noticed the 'What Would Jesus Do' bumper sticker, the 'Choose Life' license plate holder, the 'Follow Me to Sunday School' bumper sticker, and the chrome-plated Christian fish emblem on the trunk, so naturally... I assumed you had stolen the car."

The End Is Near!!!

A local priest and a local pastor stood by the side of the road holding up a sign that said, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" They planned to hold up the sign to each passing car.

"Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard a big splash.

"Do you think," said one clergyman to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'bridge out' instead?"

Some of these are priceless -- you can't help but laugh or at least chuckle!!! A friend read these & said she had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard by the time she got half way thru them. Are there any that esp. tickle you funny bone??? (10-->13, & 16 were some of mine.)

The Bible According to KIDS

The cute statements below are said to have been written by actual students and are genuine, authentic and not retouched or corrected. They were compiled by Richard Lederer, and appeared in the 12/31/95 edition of "National Review" magazine. It is truly astonishing what happens in Bible stories when they are retold by young scholars around the world:

1) In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.
2) Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
3) Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.
4) Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.
5) Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
6) Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.
7) Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.
8) Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.
9) Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread, which is bread without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the Ten Amendments.
10) The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
11) The fifth commandment is to humor thy father and mother.
12) The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.
13) Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
14) The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.
15) David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
16) Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
17) When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.
18) When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.
19) Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.
20) St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.
21) Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone."
22) It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.
23) The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan.
24) St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.

A cheerful heart is good medicine... Prov 17:22a (NIV)

Patrica,
If you want genealogy humor just look at my lines be busted in stitches for days lol. They not tree anymore it a Brier patch lol weaving in and out in and out lol. Funniest part I think I my own grandma or grandkids somewhere along lines lol.

Billie

The Atheist & the Little Girl
An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know shit?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

The Baptist White Lie Cake

Have you ever told a white lie? All lies are a sin...
"but this takes the cake!" literally!

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa, but forgot to do it until the last minute. 

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her hair, dressing, and helping her son pack for scout camp.

When she took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured and she exclaimed, "Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake!"

So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake.

She found it in the bathroom - a roll of toilet Paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect. And, before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30 and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.

Alice was horrified-she was beside herself! Everyone would know! What would they think? She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed! All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think about the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a fellow church member and try to have a good time. She did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old south, and to Alice 's horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake! She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "what a beautiful cake!"

Alice, still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, "Thank you, I baked it myself."

Alice smiled and thought to herself, "God is good."

PECANS IN THE CEMETERY
 
On the outskirts of a small town, there was a big, old pecan tree just inside the cemetery fence. One day, two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. 

'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me' said one boy. Several dropped and rolled down toward the fence.

Another boy came riding along the road on his bicycle. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

He just knew what it was. He jumped back on his bike and rode off. Just around the bend he met an old man with a cane, hobbling along.

'Come here quick,' said the Boy, 'you won't believe what I heard! Satan and the Lord are down at the cemetery dividing up the souls.'

The man said, 'Beat it kid, can't you see it's hard for me to walk.' When the boy insisted though, the man hobbled slowly to the cemetery.

Standing by the fence they heard, 'One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me.'

The old man whispered, 'Boy, you've been tellin' me the truth. Let's see if we can see the Lord.'

Shaking with fear, they peered through the fence, yet were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of the Lord.

At last they heard, 'One for you, one for me. That's all... Now let's go get those nuts by the fence and we'll be done.'

They say the old man made it back to town a full 5 minutes ahead of the kid on the bike.

SMILE, God Loves you!

Since it is March & St Patrick's day is rapidly approaching, I thought I would include some Irish humor. (Hopefully those of Irish descent will laugh also!)

Irish Math
An Irish man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. Here is your first question, the foreman said.

"Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" The Irishman says, "Dat is easy." And proceeds to draw three trees.

"What's this?" the boss asks?

"Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says the Irishman.

"Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Irishman stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go."

The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?"

"Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99."

The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Irishman, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100."

The Irishman stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred."

The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!"

The Irishman leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little dog come along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, which makes one hundred."

"So, when do I start?"

The Kelly side of my family sees here some unpleasant stereotypes of the Irish (i.e. speech patterns) that are not all that humorous. I would personally prefer to read stories that do not rely on stereotypes that have in the past been used to mock or denigrate many nationalities, including the Irish.

Abbie K, I am sorry you were offended. The above "story" to me shows how smart the Irishman was in a very clever way. (I wouldn't have passed that math test!!!) I realize that some humor can be very offensive & will attempt to be more sensitive to this & avoid those.

The ultimate aim of the humor posted in this discussion is to result in a laugh or chuckle. It may sometimes include "stories" that reflect stereotypes of different nationalities. Hopefully people will see humor rather than any intent to offend. Our ancestors did have a sense of humor.

I hope you might feel free to share some humor that those of Irish descent and others will enjoy.

Patricia, I understand that you didn't intend to be offensive. However, even though unintended, it is offensive to assume that Irish people are unable to speak English correctly. I don't know any Irish people who actually speak like that. It is not clever or intelligent to assume that turd means third, etc. Why would you paint that uneducated person as being Irish? Why not just call him your uncle? Perhaps in the future you could call any stereotyped person in your story your uncle (or aunt if it must be female) instead of assigning to that person any particular nationality, religion, age, race, gender or other aspect that is often subject to insulting stereotypes.

Thank you for listening. It is indeed time to be sensitive to words and characterizations that have in the past been assumed to be humorous, and to realize that the so-called "humor" of stereotypes is only funny to people who don't respect whoever and whatever is different.

Haha, the Irish people would Not want to speak English at all, they much prefer to speak their own native tongue, its very funny Patricia , thank you for posting all the humour you post. , even though i do not make coment all the time , love your work.

Private User, thank you for your response. I attempt to be an equal opportunity "jokester". I attempt to avoid those that are truly offensive, but some nationalities, religions, jobs, etc. lend themselves to humor.

I am of Norwegian/Swedish descent, and have some Scots/Irish, English, & French ancestors also. So if I took offense at all jokes that reflected negatively based on those nationalities, I would be missing a lot of humor. Our ancestors had a sense of humor & I am sure many, regardless of their nationality, wouldn't object to the humor I post here. We need to take ourselves more lightly (angels do, so they can fly! not that I am saying I'm an angel.) and not be so thin-skinned & ready to take offense.

Sometimes, if the person in the story (joke) didn't have an accent, it would make no sense at all. People do speak with dialects & it's difficult to put a dialect in print. Word have different meanings in different languages so can be expressed in a way that can be humorous.

I am sorry if any of my "stories" are offensive. My goal is to share stories/humor that will result in a groan, chuckle or laugh, but to NOT offend.

I'll get off my soapbox...

The Origins of St Patrick’s Day

St Patrick’s Day celebrates the Roman Catholic feast day of the patron saint of Ireland. St Patrick died on March 17, 461 at Saul, Downpatrick, Ireland. But did you know that he wasn’t even Irish?

History:
Patrick’s birth name was Maewyn Succat, but he changed his name to Patricius after becoming a priest. He was born in 385 AD in a place believed to be Banna Venta Berniae, a town in Roman Britain (his exact place of birth is however uncertain). At the age of 16 he was kidnapped by a group of Irish raiders who were attacking his family’s estate. He was taken to Ireland in slavery and worked there for 6 years tending sheep.

He escaped to a monastery in Gaul (France) where he studied and received his religious training and converted to Christianity. He went back to Ireland in 432 as a missionary. While Christianity had already taken hold in the country, tradition has it that Patrick confronted the Druids at Tara and abolished their pagan rites, making Christianity more widespread. He used Shamrock (a young sprig of clover) to teach the pagans about the Holy Trinity.

Patrick became a bishop and after his death was named Ireland’s patron saint. Celebrations in Ireland were understated though. When the Irish emigrated to the U.S., they created the bigger celebrations and parades known today.

Eighteenth century Irish soldiers who fought in the Revolutionary War held the first St Patrick Day parades. The celebrations became a way for the Irish to connect with their roots after they moved to America.

Grandpa’s Story & Ice cream

Last week, I took my grandchildren to a restaurant. My 8-year-old grandson asked if he could say grace.

As we bowed our heads he said, "God is good, God is great. Thank you for the food and I would thank you even more if Grandpa gets us ice cream for dessert. And liberty, peace & justice for all. Amen!"

Along with the laughter and nodding of heads from the other customers nearby, I heard a woman at the next table remark, "That's what's wrong with this country. Kids today don't even know how to pray.. Asking God for ice cream! Why -- I never!"

Hearing this, my grandson burst into tears & asked me, "Did I do it wrong Grandpa?  Is God mad at me?"

After I assured him that he had done a terrific job & that God was certainly not mad at him, an elderly gentleman approached the table.

He winked at my grandson & said, "I happen to know that God thought that was a great prayer."

"Really?" my grandson asked.

"Cross my heart," the man replied. Then, in a theatrical whisper, he added (indicating the woman whose remark had started this whole thing), "Too bad she never asks God for ice cream. A little ice cream is sometimes good for the soul.”

Naturally, I bought my grandchildren ice cream at the end of the meal.  My grandson stared at his ice cream for a moment, & then he did something I will remember the rest of my life.  He picked up his sundae and, without a word, walked over & placed it in front of the woman.

With a big smile he looked her in the eye and told her, "Here ma'am, this is for you, you grouchy old bitch. Shove it up your ass and cool off!"

Kinda brings a tear to your eye, doesn't it!

THE DOG & THE PANTHER

One day an old German Shepherd starts chasing rabbits and before long, discovers that he's lost. Wandering about, he notices a panther heading rapidly in his direction with the intention of having lunch.

The old German Shepherd thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep trouble now!"

Noticing some bones on the ground close by, he immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the panther is about to leap, the old German Shepherd exclaims loudly,

"Boy, that was one delicious panther! I wonder, if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young panther halts his attack in mid-strike, a look of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!," says the panther, "That was close! That old German Shepherd nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a squirrel who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the panther. So, off he goes.

The squirrel soon catches up with the panther, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the panther.

The young panther is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here, squirrel, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old German Shepherd sees the panther coming with the squirrel on his back and thinks, "What am I going to do now?," but instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old German Shepherd says...

"Where's that squirrel? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another panther!"

Moral of this story...

Don't mess with the old dogs... Age and skill will always overcome youth and treachery!
Brilliance only comes with age and experience.

Of course, I am in no way insinuating that you are old, just 'youthfully challenged'.

Nice one !!

Ok here one I found for you all. It so so true here.

Top 10 Indicators that you've become a gene-aholic:

10. You introduce your daughter as your descendent.
9. You've never met any of the people you send e-mail to,
even though you're related.
8. You can recite your lineage back eight generations,
but can't remember your nephew's name.
7. You have more photographs of dead people than living ones.
6. You've taken a tape recorder and/or notebook
to a family reunion.
5. You've not only read the latest GEDCOM standard,
but you also understand it.
4. The local genealogy society borrows books from you.
3. The only film you've seen in the last year
was the 1880 census index.
2. More than 1/2 of your book collection is made up
of marriage records or pedigrees.
1. Your elusive ancestor has been spotted
in more different places than Elvis!

Good one, Billie June!

Billie, thanks for the addition. It is so true!!!

Top Ten Words Invented in Ireland - Useful for St. Patrick’s Day

From: [http://www.irishcentral.com/roots/Top-ten-words-invented-in-Ireland... IrishCentral Staff Writers. 28 May 2016] (*Originally published in July 2014.)

Here are some choice Irish words which have their roots in the Gaelic language and traditions.
1.  Bard - Bards were Celtic composers of eulogy and satire. The word is commonly known now as a poet of someone who writes lyrical verse.  Bards date back to as early as the 1st century AD. William Butler Yeats would be considered a great bard.

2.  Bog - The word bog comes from the Irish word for soft.  Peat bogs cover one sixth of Ireland and have been used as a source of fuel for centuries in Ireland.
* After the Ice Age, Ireland was covered in deciduous and pine forests. The wet mild weather caused minerals to be leached from the soil, forming an impermeable layer. As a result water couldn’t soak through and peat began to form.
* Peat consists of partially decomposed remains of dead plant material, which accumulated on top of each other over the centuries.  Raised bogs and blanket bogs are the main types associated Turf is cut from bogs to burn in the open fire.

3. Boycott - The word derives from Captain Charles C. Boycot, an 19th century British land agent who was ostracized by his local community in Co. Mayo.  The land agent was was socially excluded after refusing to reduce rents during the Irish Land League.  Charles Stewart Parnell had earlier made the proposal that rather than resorting to violence. Everyone in the locality should ostracize the man.
 

4.  Brogue - The word comes from “brog” which is Gaelic for shoe.  Now the word is commonly used to describe a heavy leather shoe, which usually has ornamental perforations. The word is also used to describe an Irish accent.
 

5.  Callow - Derives from the Gaelic for bald, “calac,” this word is used to describe those with a distinct lack of maturity.  A person considered to be callow lacks adult sophistication.
 

6.  Galore - Comes from “go leor,” the Gaelic word for sufficiency.  The term is referred to as having an abundance of something. 


7.  Glen - Comes from the Gaelic word “gleann” meaning a valley. It usually refers to a long deep u-shaped valley usually created by a glacier.  Ireland is known for many famous glens, especially Glendalough (Glen of Two Lakes) which is a glacial valley in Co. Wicklow.


8.  Loch - Derives from “loch” which is Gaelic for a lake.  It is the Irish term for a lake, normally a narrow inlet of the sea. Some of Ireland’s most famous lakes or lochs include Lough Derg in Donegal and Lough Corrib in Galway.


9.  Tory - Originally the term was used to describe an Irish outlaw which came from the verb “toir,” to pursue. It was later used to describe English Jacobite supporters and was later adopted as a badge of honor by English conservatives.


10.  Whiskey - Derives from the term “uisce beatha” which translates to the water of life. Irish monks in the middle ages described alcohol as the water of life.

Did you know the following??? I will include some fun facts over the next couple of days from: http://www.gpb.org/education/origins-of-st-patricks-day & [https://www.history.com/topics/st-patricks-day/st-patricks-day-facts History.com - St Patrick’s Day Facts. updated 6 Mar 2019.

* The Shamrock: According to legend St patrick used the three leaf clover (or shamrock) to explain the Trinity. It is the national flower/emblem of Ireland.

* Dyeing the river green: The practice of dyeing the river green started in Chicago in 1962, when city officials decided to dye a portion of the Chicago River green.

* Corn beef and cabbage: This is an Irish American dish. Irish Americans were so poor they could not afford certain meals. On St Patrick’s Day, the best meal they could afford was beef and cabbage. It became a staple for the holiday. In 2009, roughly 26.1 billion pounds of beef and 2.3 billion pounds of cabbage were produced in the U.S.)

* Irish Soda Bread gets it’s name and distinctive character from use of baking soda rather than yeast as a leavening agent.

* Lime Green Chrysanthemums are often requested for St Patrick’s Day parades and celebrations.

* St Patrick’s Day is an Irish national holiday with banks, stores and businesses are closed.

* The first St Patrick’s Day parade took place in the United States on 17 March 1762, when Irish soldiers serving in the English military marched through New York City. Another site states that it was first held in Boston in 1737.
** More than 100 St Patrick’s Day parades are held across the United States.
** New York City and Boston are home to the largest celebrations.
** From 1999 to 2007, the Irish village of Dripsey proudly touted that it hosted the Shortest Saint Patrick’s Day Parade in the World. The route ran for 26 yards between two pubs. Today, Hot Springs, Arkansas claims the title for brevity – its brief parade runs for 98 feet.

Part 2 of St Patrick's Day Fun Facts:

* There are seven places in the United States named after the shamrock, the floral emblem of Ireland including Mount Gay-Shamrock, West Virginia; Shamrock, Texas; Shamrock Lakes, Indiana; and Shamrock, Oklahoma.
* Sixteen U.S. places share the name of Ireland’s capital, Dublin. With 44,541 residents, Dublin, California, is the largest of the nice, followed by Dublin, Ohio, with 39,310.
* Other towns with the luck of the Irish include Emerald Isle, North Carolina and Irishtown, Illinois.

* There are 32.3 million U.S. residents with Irish ancestry, according to a 2016 census. This number is about seven times the population of Ireland itself. In 2017, according to the US Census, 32.6 million US residents claimed Irish ancestry.
** Across the country, 10.2 percent of residents lay claim to Irish ancestry. That number more than doubles to 20.2 percent in the state of Massachusetts.
** Irish is the most common ancestry in 54 U.S. counties, of which 44 are in the Northeast. Middlesex County in Massachusetts tops the list with 348,978 Irish Americans, followed by Norfolk County, Massachusetts, which has 203,285.
** Irish ranks among the top five ancestries in every state except Hawaii and New Mexico. It is the leading ancestry group in Delaware, Massachusetts and New Hampshire.
**Irish is the nation’s second most frequently reported ancestry, ranking behind German.
** In 2016 there were approximately 125,840 U.S. residents who were born in Ireland.

Wearing Blue or Green: The color of St Patrick’s Day was originally blue. Blue was featured both in the royal court and on ancient Irish flags. It’s thought that the shift to green happened because of Ireland’s nickname, “The Emerald Isle,” the green in the Irish flag and the shamrock, or clover. Green ribbons and shamrocks were worn as early as the 17th century. In 1798, the color green became officially associated with the day.
** During the Irish Rebellion of 1798, an uprising against British rule in Ireland, Irish soldiers wore full green uniforms on March 17 to make a political statement. Legend has it that wearing green makes a person invisible to leprechauns that will pinch someone if they see them.
** In Ireland, some people still adhere to the tradition of Catholics wearing green and Protestants wearing orange, the colors that represent their respective religious sects on the Irish flag.
** (from: [https://www.livescience.com/27957-st-patricks-day-5-facts.html?ref=... LiveScience - 5 Fun Facts About St Patrick’s Day by Tanya Lewis. 17 Mar 2013])

Some of these you are going to agree with, some will cause a chuckle or a laugh, some may make you groan... Hope you enjoy them. Have a great day.

Genealogy Humor

  1. My family coat of arms ties at the back....is that normal?
     2. My family tree is a few branches short! All help appreciated.
     3.  My ancestors must be in a witness protection program!
     4.  Shake your family tree and watch the nuts fall!
     5.  My hobby is genealogy, I raise dust bunnies as pets.
     6.  How can one ancestor cause so much TROUBLE??
     7.  I looked into my family tree and found out I was a sap.
     8.  I'm not stuck, I'm ancestrally challenged.
     9.  I'm searching for myself;  Have you seen me?
    10. If only people came with pull-down menus and on-line help...
    11. Isn't genealogy fun? The answer to one problem leads to two more!
    12. It's 2007... Do you know where your-Gr-Gr-Grandparents are?
    13. A family reunion is an effective form of birth control.
    14. A family tree can wither if nobody tends its roots.
    15. A new cousin a day keeps the boredom away.
    16. After 30 days, unclaimed ancestors will be put up for adoption.
    17. Am I the only person up my tree... sure seems like it and it is lonely up here.
    18. Every family tree produces some lemons, some nuts and a few bad apples.  Suck it up !!!
    19. Ever find an ancestor HANGING from the family tree?  By a ROPE???
    20. FLOOR: The place for storing your priceless genealogy records.
    21. Gene-Allergy: It's a contagious disease, but I love it.
    22. Genealogists are time unravelers.
    23. Genealogy is like playing hide and seek: They hide... I seek!
    24. Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to better people.
    25. "Crazy" is a relative term in my family.
    26. A pack rat is hard to live with, but makes a fine ancestor.
    27. I want to find ALL of them!  So far I only have a few thousand.
    28. I Should have asked them BEFORE they died!
    29. I think my ancestors had several "Bad heir" days.
    30. I'm always late. My ancestors arrived on the JUNE flower.
    31. Only a Genealogist regards a step backwards as progress.
    32. Share your knowledge; it is a way to achieve immortality.
    33. Heredity: Everyone believes in it until their children act like fools!
    34. It's an unusual family that hath neither a lady of the evening or a thief.
    35. Many a family tree needs a little pruning.
    36. Shh! Be very, very quiet . . . I'm hunting forebears.
    37. Snobs talk as if they had begotten their own ancestors!
    38. That's strange: half my ancestors are WOMEN!
    39. I'm not sick, I've just got fading genes.
    40. Genealogists live in the past lane.
    41. Cousins marrying cousins: Very tangled roots!
    42. Cousins marrying cousins: A non-branching family tree.
    43. All right!  Everybody out of the gene pool!
    44. Always willing to share my ignorance...
    45. Documentation . . . The hardest part of genealogy.
    46. Genealogy:  Chasing your own tale!
    47. Genealogy . . . will I ever find time do my laundry again?
    48. That's the problem with the gene pool: There are NO Lifeguards.
    49. I researched my family tree . . . and apparently I don't exist!
    50.  OK who peed in the gene pool???
    51. SO MANY ANCESTORS.........SO LITTLE TIME and I just have to find them so I will know who to blame!

Patricia Ann Scoggin, thank you for ALL your lovely humor. This genealogy addiction is too absorbing not to have someone stop and throw out something different once in a while. I figure when we all finish doing our research we'll discover we're all related somehow. Don't know how I'm related to you, but I'm glad it seems that I am. Or at least I get these wonderful notices. I don't respond MOST of the time, I'm researching!!

Susan, I'm glad you enjoy the humorous and informative "stuff" included here. I have no idea of how many follow this discussion as so few make comments, so I do appreciate & thank you for your comments. This keeps me going & searching for humor that will result in some chuckles. laughs or groans, or even some "I didn't know that."

Genealogy Quotes
From: https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/genealogy

1. “Every person is defined by the communities he/she belongs to.” ~ Orson Scott Card, Speaker for the Dead

2. “The past could be jettisoned...but seeds got carried.” ~ Joan Didion, Where I Was From

3. “History is the essence of innumerable biographies.” ~ Thomas Carlyle

4. “... the pursuit of origins is a way of rescuing territory from death and oblivion, a reconquest that ought to be patient, devoted, relentless and faithful.” ~ Amin Maalouf, Orígenes

5. “Every family’s its own trip to China.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver, Prodigal Summer

6. “The story of his great-grandfather... was his own story, too.” ~ Kelly Cherry, The Exiled Heart: A Meditative Autobiography

7. “I have had my mother’s wing of my genetic ancestry analyzed by the National Geographic tracing service and there it all is: the arrow moving northward from the African savannah, skirting the Mediterranean by way of the Levant, and passing through Eastern and Central Europe before crossing to the British Isles. And all of this knowable by an analysis of the cells on the inside of my mouth.” ~ Christopher Hitchens, Hitch 22: A Memoir

8. “In your name, the family name is at last because it’s the family name that lasts.”
~ Amit Kalantri, Wealth of Words

9. “Every succeeding generation has the opportunity to heal the wounds of the past.”
~ Laurence Overmire, A Revolutionary American Family: The McDonalds of Somerset County, New Jersey

10. “Some of us are given more time on this Earth than others, but none of us should ever take the gift of life for granted. If we strive to be the best we can be, committing ourselves to what is right and true, while helping others along the way, then we will leave our own story worth the telling and be a shining example for our children and our grandchildren and all those great, great, great, great grandchildren in those far off times to come.” ~ Laurence Overmire, A Revolutionary American Family: The McDonalds of Somerset County, New Jersey

11. “One could only wish there were more who understood the love of family, of history, and of ancient, sacred bonds that grow deep within us all. If family is not worthy of our time and attention, who or what is?” ~ Laurence Overmire, One Immigrant’s Legacy: The Overmyer Family in America, 1751-2009: A Biographical Record of Revolutionary War Veteran Capt. John George Overmire and His Descendants

12. “We are just stars in our family’s constellation.” ~Stephen Robert Kuta

13. “My charge, then, in putting down my pen, and giving over this work to posterity, is this: Take the time. Take the time to preserve the stories, the photographs, the small mementos that mean so much. This is your legacy to future generations. Give it the attention it deserves. Your children and your grandchildren will thank you for it.” ~ Laurence Overmire, One Immigrant's Legacy: The Overmyer Family in America, 1751-2009: A Biographical Record of Revolutionary War Veteran Capt. John George Overmire and His Descendants

14. “All of our ancestors give us the precious gift of life. Do we use it wisely? Do we use it well? Do we make a name for ourselves and for our children of which we can be proud?” ~ Laurence Overmire, A Revolutionary American Family: The McDonalds of Somerset County, New Jersey

15. “Tradition is the glue that binds past with present, and eventually with the future. As traditions are passed down, we get a chance to reach back and touch one small part of our history.” ~ Ann Christine Tabaka, 4500 Miles, as the Falcon Flies: Finding My Family

16. “The sacrifice our ancestors gave yesterday, gave us today and our tomorrow”
~ Stephen Robert Kuta, Selina's Letter, Tales of Suicide from Victorian and Edwardian London

17. “Just like our ancestors, we too will fall out of living memory and be forgotten. It will take a future genealogist to find us again. Make it a good find.” ~ Stephen Robert Kuta

18. “Woven of fad and fancy, commerce and technology, war and revolution, freedom and necessity, our individual histories testify to the singular but crooked paths along which we traveled to the present.” ~ Joseph A. Amato, Jacob's Well: A Case for Rethinking Family History

19. “Ultimately, the great truths of family history don't live in any book. They live in the hearts and minds of the living descendants. They live in the way we conduct our lives, in the passing of traditions and values to those who will follow.” ~ Laurence Overmire, A Revolutionary American Family: The McDonalds of Somerset County, New Jersey

20. “The family historian must master the art of storytelling. What, after all, is truth without anecdote, history without events, explanation without narration--or yet life itself without a story? Stories are not just the wells from which we drink most deeply but at the same time the golden threads that hold and bind--Ariadne's precious string that leads us through the labyrinth that connects living present and the living past.” ~ Joseph A. Amato, Jacob's Well: A Case for Rethinking Family History

21. “How can we know where we are going if we don’t know where we came from?” ~ Becky Williamson-Martin

These are great quotes.