Genealogy Humor

NOAH in 2011

In the year 2011, the Lord came unto Noah and said: Once again the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans.

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying: You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights.

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark.

‘Noah!’ He roared, ‘I'm about to start the rain! Where is the Ark?’

‘Forgive me, Lord,’ begged Noah, ‘but things have changed. I needed a building permit.

I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a sprinkler system.

My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard, and exceeding the height limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then, the Department of Transportation demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the Ark 's move to the sea. I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban on cutting local trees in order to save the spotted owl.

I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued that accommodations were too restrictive, and that it is cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in a confined space.

Then the EPA ruled that I couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration is checking the status of most of the people who want to work.

The Trades Unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, they seized all my assets, claiming I'm trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10 years for me to finish this Ark.'

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine, and a double rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked, 'You mean you're not going to destroy the world?'

'No,' said the Lord. 'The government beat me to it.'

Clocks

A man died and went to heaven, where he met St. Peter sitting at a desk in the middle of a great hall. On the walls were millions of clocks. 


"What are those used for?" he asked.

St. Peter said, "There's one of them for every living person on Earth ticking out the days of their lives." 



The newcomer noticed that the hands of some of the clocks were moving faster than others. "Why do they move at different speeds," he asked.

St. Peter said, "Every time you tell a lie you lose one hour of your life and your clock speeds up." 



The newcomer looked around and then asked, "Do you have one of these for my congressman?" 



St. Peter answered, "Sure! It's in the back room. We use it for a ceiling fan."

A VERY DEEP THINKING PERSON SENT THIS TO ME………..Remember...I'm only the messenger…

What deep thinkers men are...

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so I sat down and had a cold beer. The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.

My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing and I said 'nothing'. The reason I said that instead of saying 'just thinking' is because she would have said 'about what'. At that point I would have to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics which would lead to other questions.

Finally I thought about an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the groin? Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the groin.

Well, after another beer, and some heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with the answer to that question.

Getting kicked in the groin is more painful than having a baby; and here is the reason for my conclusion. A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child." On the other hand, you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the groin."

I rest my case.
Time for another beer.

************
ME Personally…. while I do sit under my apple trees and think a lot these days….I prefer a cigar to a beer….and I do believe having a baby is much more difficult than a kick in the groin…….after all if you're lucky the groin pain will go away quickly…after having a baby…the pain in your ass is with you forever!!!

This one was very interesting!!! Wonder what other men will think... Ladies, do any of you have thoughts on this one???
Pat

Eve and Adam

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know You've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedy snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" came the reply from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man', Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with aggressive tendencies, an enormous ego and an inability to empathize or listen to you properly. All in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger and faster and more muscular than you. He'll be really good at fighting and kicking a ball about and hunting fleet-footed ruminants, and will help to populate the Earth."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, well. He's better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. But, you can only have him on one condition."

"What's that, Lord?"

"You'll have to let him believe that I made him first."

Do you know the story behind the rhyme about Jack & Jill??? Well, read on. I didn't know it so I am assuming that many of you are unaware also. It is really interesting... Hope you think so also!

Jack and Jill Went up the Hill to Fetch a Pail of Water
Jack fell down and broke his crown

And Jill came tumbling after.
Up got Jack, and home did trot
As fast as he could caper

He went to bed and bound his head

With vinegar and brown paper.

The roots of this child's nursery rhyme is in France and the Jack and Jill referred to are Louis XVI who was beheaded [lost his crown] followed by his Queen Marie Antoinette [who came tumbling after]. The words and lyrics were made more palatable for the nursery by giving it a happy ending and has further been altered by the passage of time. The actual beheadings occurred in 1793. The first publication date for the lyrics of this nursery rhyme is 1795 which tie-in with the history and origins

(NOT US...but it could have been!!!)

Working people frequently ask us retired people what

we do to make our days interesting.

Well, for example, just the other day my wife and

I went into town and visited a shop.

When we came out, there was a parking meter

bloke writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, 'Come on

how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.

I called him an a----le . He glared at me and started

writing another ticket for having worn-out tires.

So Anne called him a s-----ad. He finished the

second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing more tickets.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it

and went home. We weren't too concerned about the

vehicle's owner because of the sticker on the back window:

"I support Hamas & Hezbollah & ISIS".

We try to have a little fun each day now
that we're retired. It's important at our age.

Mothers In History

▪ Michelangelo's Mother: Can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?
• Paul Revere's Mother: I don't care where you think you have to go, young man, midnight is past your curfew.
▪ Mona Lisa's Mother: After all that money your father and I spent on braces, that's the biggest smile you can give us?
▪ George Washington's Mother: The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye.
▪ Mary's Mother: I'm not upset that your lamb followed you to school, but I would like to know how he got a better grade than you.
▪ Columbus's Mother: I don't care what you've discovered, you still could have written.
▪ Napoleon's Mother: All right, if you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, take your hand out of there and show me.
▪ Thomas Edison's Mother: Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb. Now turn it off and get to bed.
▪ Abraham Lincoln's Mother: Again with the stovepipe hat? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?
▪ Albert Einstein's Mother: But it's your senior picture. Can't you do something about your hair? Styling gel, mousse, something...?
▪ An extra laugh for posterity: Jonah's Mother: That's a nice story. Now tell me where you've really been for the last forty years.

I like to intersperse humor with FYI stuff--figure we might as well learn a little as we laugh. I found several site that had the origins & history of nursery rhymes & lyrics. One site has over 100 nursery rhymes, so I did a pick & choose from the list and will include those I was most familiar with.

If you are interested and can't wait to see if your "favorite" will be included here, feel free to go to this site: http://www.rhymes.org.uk/ (It is the one with over 100 Additional Online list of Nursery Rhymes, History and Origins.)

Here is another site [http://mentalfloss.com/article/55035/dark-origins-11-classic-nurser...] that I will be using for info also, although I think I may take info from it & add to what the first site above has as it is more complete.

I have another site I will use, but forgot to save that site. Will include it as reference if I use from it.

I hope that you will enjoy learning about the nursery rhymes that you learned many, many years ago. Some have very interesting histories!!!
Hugs & Angels be with you,
Pat

4 Worms In Church"

Four worms and a lesson to be learned!!!!

A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.

Four worms were placed into four separate jars.

The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.

The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.

The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.

The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.

At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:

The first worm in alcohol . . . . . . Dead .

The second worm in cigarette smoke . . . Dead .

Third worm in chocolate syrup . . . . Dead.

Fourth worm in good clean soil . . . Alive �

So the Minister asked the congregation,

"What did you learn from this demonstration?"

Maxine was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said . . ..

"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate,

you won't have worms!"

That pretty much ended the service!

Today is International Disturbed People's Day.
Please send an encouraging message to a disturbed friend...
Just as I've done.

"Hang in there sunshine, you're special!"

Norm, I loved this one, the ending caught me by surprise. I laughed so hard I almost peed in my pants...

An Apple a Day Nursery Rhyme/Poem

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Apple in the morning – Doctor's warning

Roast apple at night - starves the doctor outright

Eat an apple going to bed - knock the doctor on the head

Three each day, seven days a week - ruddy apple, ruddy cheek

The simple meaning behind the sentiment expressed in 'An apple a day' poem is one to encourage the child to eat healthily and wisely that is An apple a day! Although perhaps 'Doctor' could be replaced with 'Dentist' in a modern day version of this poem of "An apple a day" - delicious! The author of the poem "An apple a day" is unknown and the first publication date has been untraceable.

Here is the 1st of 22 Nursery Rhymes and their history...

An Apple a Day Nursery Rhyme/Poem

An apple a day keeps the doctor away

Apple in the morning – Doctor's warning

Roast apple at night - starves the doctor outright

Eat an apple going to bed - knock the doctor on the head

Three each day, seven days a week - ruddy apple, ruddy cheek

The simple meaning behind the sentiment expressed in 'An apple a day' poem is one to encourage the child to eat healthily and wisely that is An apple a day! Although perhaps 'Doctor' could be replaced with 'Dentist' in a modern day version of this poem of "An apple a day" - delicious! The author of the poem "An apple a day" is unknown and the first publication date has been untraceable.

For those of we senior citizens who have techie problems:
The computer swallowed grandma.
Yes, honestly it's true!
She pressed 'control' and 'enter''
And disappeared from view.
It devoured her completely,
The thought just makes me squirm.
She must have caught a virus
Or been eaten by a worm.
I've searched through the recycle bin
And files of every kind.
I've even used the internet,
But nothing did I find.'
In desperation, I asked Jeeves
My searches to refine.
The reply from him was negative
Not a thing was found 'online'.
So, if inside your 'Inbox',
My grandma you should see,
Please "Copy, Scan and Paste' her
And send her back to me.

Colleen - good one! I can also say this about my lost ancestors!

Colleen, love your contribution, it is tooooo funny. Thanks.
Pat

Here is one that may make you scratch your head. Do you think you could come up with an answer to match this??? I don't think I would have come with half of these words!!

History of the United States in 100 Words…
by David Hyatt J.

Walter Thompson, a huge ad agency, has a test for all wannabe copy writers. They print it every few years as a full-page ad in many major newspapers. They call the campaign "Write if you want work."
My response to the question, "Write the history of the United States in 100 words or less":
Creation. Evolution. Civilization. Exploration. Colonization. Taxation. Representation? Declaration. Revolution. Celebration. Constitutionalization. Election. Inauguration. Succession. Institutionalization. Conflagration. Migration. Plantation. Expansion. Destination Manifestation. Annexation. Secession. Rebellion. Abolition. Emancipation Proclamation. Assassination. Reconstruction. Industrialization. Assassination. Invention. Transportation. Urbanization. Exploitation. Stratification. Assassination. Unionization. Protection. Regulation. Suffrage Extension. Balkanization. Destruction. League of Nations. Prohibition. Immigration. Depression. Socialization. Construction. Isolation. Deterioration. Penetration. Fission-n-Fusion. Annihilation. Radiation. Polarization. Militarization. Partition. Persecution. Automation. Failed Invasion. Assassination. Investigation. Division. Demonstration. Mind Alteration. Space Exploration. Bra Incineration. Obfuscation. Resignation. Elation. Stupification. Abortion. Stagflation. Gas Station. Computerization. Communication. Deregulation. Pollution. Deforestation. Kinder, Gentler Nation. Reunification. Reconciliation. Verification. Recession. Demarcation. Obliteration. Glorification. Education?

Copyright 1992 David Hyatt -- don't rip it off if you're taking the same test!

Forgetter Be Forgotten

My forgetter's getting better, 

But my rememberer is broke

To you that may seem funny

But, to me, that is no joke
Or when I'm 'here' I'm wondering

If I really should be 'there'

And, when I try to think it through, 

I haven't got a prayer! 



Oft times I walk into a room, 

Say 'what am I here for?'

I wrack my brain, but all in vain! 

A zero, is my score. 



At times I put something away

Where it is safe, but, Gee! 

The person it is safest from

Is, generally, me! 



When shopping I may see someone, 

Say 'Hi' and have a chat, 

Then, when the person walks away

I ask myself, 'who the hell was that?'
Yes, my forgetter's getting better

While my rememberer is broke, 

And it's driving me plumb crazy

And that isn't any joke. 


CAN YOU RELATE???

Please send this to everyone you know because
I DON'T REMEMBER
 WHO I SENT THIS TO!

My forgetter really is getting better. I just realized that I had added the one above just a little over a week ago (8/22). Oh, well. Let me see what else I have that I haven't sent before...
;--(

How well do you know your history??? These students have a unique slant on history!!! I'll bet the teachers were wondering if they were in the same class as these students... (It would be interesting to know what the questions were.) I laughed the hardest at #2, but #3 was close. Which did you like the best???

History Exam Answers by Children:

1. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the East and the sun sets in the West. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. Her reclining years and finally the end of her life were exemplatory of a great personality. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

2. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta and the Santa Fe. Later the Pilgrims crossed the Ocean, and that was called the Pilgrim's Progress. When they landed at Plymouth Rock, they were greeted by Indians, who came down the hill rolling their was hoops before them. The Indian squabs carried their cabooses, which proved very fatal to them. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the setters. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

3. France was in a very serious state. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened. The Marseillaise was the theme of the French Revolution, and it catapulted into Napoleon. During the Napoleonic Wars, the crowned heads of Europe were trembling in their shoes. Then the Spanish gorillas came down from the hills and nipped at Napoleon's flanks. Napoleon became ill with bladder problems and was very tense and unrestrained. he wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn't bear him any children.

4. In medieval times most of the people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the time was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verse and also wrote literature. Another tale of William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son's head.

5. In the Olympic Games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java. The reward to the visitor was a coral wreath. The government of Athens was democratic because the people took the law into their own hands. There were no wars in Greece, as the mountains were so high that they couldn't climb over to see what their neighbours were doing. When they fought the Parisians, the Greek were outnumbered because the Persians had more men.

2. "Baa, Baa black sheep" Nursery Rhyme History

Baa baa black sheep, have you any wool?

Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full!

One for the master, one for the dame,

And one for the little boy who lives down the lane.

The Educational reasons for the poem "Baa, baa black sheep" poem
:

The reason to the words and history to this song were to associate wool and wool products with the animal that produces it, not to mention the sound that a sheep would make! The first grasp of language for a child or baby is to imitate the sounds or noises that animals make - onomatopoeia (words sound like their meaning e.g. baa baa in "Baa, baa black sheep"). In some of the earlier versions of "Baa, baa black sheep" the title is actually given as "Ba, ba black sheep" - it is difficult to spell sounds!



The History and Origins of Baa Baa Black Sheep Nursery Rhyme: 


The wool industry was critical to the country's economy from the Middle Ages until the nineteenth century so it is therefore not surprising that it is celebrated in the Baa Baa Black Sheep Nursery Rhyme. An historical connection for this rhyme has been suggested - a political satire said to refer to the Plantagenet King Edward I (the Master) and the export tax imposed in Britain in 1275 in which the English Customs Statute authorized the king to collect a tax on all exports of wool in every port in the country. But our further research indicates another possible connection of this Nursery rhyme to English history relating to King Edward II (1307-1327). The best wool in Europe was produced in England but the cloth workers from Flanders, Bruges and Lille were better skilled in the complex finishing trades such as dying and fulling (cleansing, shrinking, and thickening the cloth). King Edward II encouraged Flemmish weavers and cloth dyers to improve the quality of the final English products.

Words and Music: The earliest publication date for the "Baa, baa black sheep" rhyme or poem is dated 1744. Music was first published for "Baa, baa black sheep" was in the early nineteenth century making it into a song for children.

From: http://mentalfloss.com/article/55035/dark-origins-11-classic-nurser...

Though most scholars agree that “Baa, Baa, Black Sheep” is about the Great Custom, a tax on wool that was introduced in 1275, its use of the color black and the word “master” led some to wonder whether there was a racial message at its center. Its political correctness was called into question yet again in the latter part of the 20th century, with some schools banning it from being repeated in classrooms, and others simply switching out the word “black” for something deemed less offensive. In 2011, news.com.au reported on the proliferation of “Baa, Baa Rainbow Sheep” as an alternative.

Kids Jokes - You Quack Me Up!!!
History Jokes

Q: Why were the early days of history called the dark ages?
A: Because there were so many knights!

Q: Why is England the wettest country?
A: Because the queen has reigned there for years!

Q: How did the Vikings send secret messages?
A: By norse code!

Q: Who invented fractions?
A: Henry the 1/4th!

Q: What kind of lighting did Noah use for the ark?
A: Floodlights!

Q: What did they do at the Boston Tea Party?
A: I don't know, I wasn't invited!

Q: What's purple and 5000 miles long?
A: The grape wall of China.

Q: What did Mason say to Dixon?
A: We've got to draw the line here!

Q: Who made King Arthur's round table?
A: Sir-Conference

Q: Who built the ark?
A: I have Noah idea!

Q: Why aren't you doing well in history?
A: Because the teacher keeps on asking about things that happened before I was born!

Q: What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
A: Toga-ether we can rule the world!

Q: Abraham Lincoln had a very hard childhood. He had to walk 8 miles to school every day!
A: Well, he should have gotten up earlier and caught the school bus like everyone else!

Q: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
A: At the bottom!

Q: What do Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog have in common?
A: The same middle name!

Q: What is the fruitiest subject at school?
A: History, because it's full of dates!

Q: Why did the pioneers cross the country in covered wagons?
A: Because they didn't want to wait 40 years for a train!

Q: When a knight was killed in battle, what sign did they put on his grave?
A: Rust in peace!

Q: How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
A: With a pair of Caesars!

-----Murphy, a furniture dealer from Dublin, decided to expand the line
of furniture in his store, so he decided to go to Paris to see what he
could find.
After arriving in Paris, he visited with some manufacturers and
selected a line that he thought would sell well back home. To celebrate
the new acquisition, he decided to visit a small bistro and have a
glass of wine.

As he sat enjoying his wine, he noticed that the small place was quite
crowded and that the other chair at his table was the only vacant seat
in the house.

Before long, a very beautiful young Parisian girl came to his table,
asked him something in French (which Murphy could not understand), so
he motioned to the vacant chair and invited her to sit down.

He tried to speak to her in English, but she did not speak his
language. After a couple of minutes of trying to communicate with her,
he took a napkin and drew a picture of a wine glass and showed it to her.
She nodded, so he ordered a glass of wine for her.
After sitting with her at the table for a while, he took another
napkin, and drew a picture of a plate with food on it, and she nodded.

They left the bistro and found a quiet cafe that featured a small group playing romantic music.
They ordered dinner, after which he took another napkin and drew a
picture of a couple dancing.

She nodded, and they got up to dance. They danced until the cafe
closed and the band was packing up.

Back at their table, the young lady took a napkin and drew a picture
of a four-poster bed.

To this day, Murphy has no idea how she figured out he was in the
furniture business!!?

*AFTERNOON SEX*

> *The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their
8-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony with a Popsicle and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he shouted.
He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"An ambulance just drove by!"

"Looks like the Andersen's have company," he called out.

Matt is riding a new bike!"

"Looks like the Sanders are moving!"

"Jason is on his skate board!"

After a few moments he announced......"The Coopers are having sex!!"

Startled, his mother and dad shot up in bed. Dad cautiously called out,
"How do you know they're having sex?"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing on his balcony with a Popsicle."

Norm, those were a little "naughty" but toooo funny!

Sunday is Grandparents Day, so will be sending some humor that grandparents may be able to identify with... and all can chuckle about.
Here's one for Grandmothers.

What is a Grandmother

A grandmother is a remarkable woman.
She’s a wonderful combination of warmth and kindness, laughter and love.
She overlooks our faults, encourages our dreams,
And praises our every success.

A grandmother has the wisdom of a teacher, the sincerity of a true friend, and the tenderness of a mother.
She’s someone we admire, respect and love very much.
A grandmother will always have a cherished place in our memories and in our hearts.
She’s someone for whom we want every happiness in return for the joy she always brings.

A grandmother is all the dear and precious things in life…
When she’s a grandmother like you.

Loving, Funny and Amusing Thoughts On Grandparents

• The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is that they have a common enemy. - Sam Levenson
• My grandkids believe I'm the oldest thing in the world. And after two or three hours with them, I believe it, too. - Gene Perret
• The best baby-sitters, of course, are the baby's grandparents. You feel completely comfortable entrusting your baby to them for long periods, which is why most grandparents flee to Florida. - Dave Barry
• One of the most powerful handclasps is that of a new grandbaby around the finger of a grandfather. - Joy Hargrove
• Two things I dislike about my granddaughter - when she won't take her afternoon nap, and when she won't let me take mine. - Gene Perret
• My grandfather once told me that there are two kinds of people: those who work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was less competition there. - Indira Gandhi
• The average man will bristle if you say his father was dishonest, but he will brag a little if he discovers that his great-grandfather was a pirate. - Bern Williams
• My grandfather is the king, my Dad's the prince. I guess that makes me the butler. - Adam Petty

Happy Grandparents Day on Sunday. Hope you enjoy this perspective of Grandparents from kids...

What Is a Grandparent? (Kid’s Viewpoint)

Mrs Margaret Mather is a Primary school teacher; she has recorded the answers she was given in a class discussion, they could make you smile or even laugh:
1. Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other peoples.
2. A grandfather is a man and a grandmother is a lady.
3. Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money.
4. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves and caterpillars.
5. They show us and talk to us about the colours of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on "cracks."
6. They don't say, 'Hurry up.'
7. Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes.
8. They wear glasses and funny underwear.
9. They can take their teeth and gums out.
10. They have to answer questions like 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?'
11. When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again.
12. Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us.
13. They know we should have snack time before bed time, and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad.

José and Carlos are beggars.

They beg in different areas of town. Carlos begs for the same amount of time as José, but collects only about $8.00 or $9.00 a day.

José brings home a suitcase full of ten-dollar bills every day. He drives a Mercedes, lives in a mortgage-free house, and has a lot of money to spend.

"Hey, amigo," Carlos says to José, "I work just as long and hard as you do, so how come you bring home a suitcase full of ten dollar bills every day?

José says, "Look at your sign, what does it say?"

Carlos reads his sign: "I have no work, a wife and six kids to support." "What's wrong with that?" Carlos asks him.

"No wonder you only get $8.00 or $9.00 a day!" says José.

Carlos says, "All right, what is on your sign?"

José shows him:

"I Need Only $10. More to Get Back to Mexico!!!

Have you seen the Facebook site for Nutty Genealogists? I'm serious - it does exist! Much better to look at that, instead of banging my head against the brick wall.