Genealogy Humor

Norm - they said: I've got a nice boy - chubby pimply faced 25 year old BOY! - lived at home with Mama - expected his wife to do all the cooking, cleaning etc. Said I'm next - I'm still waiting !

I'm still waiting also!!! Although I have been single longer than the short time I was married, so am not sure what I would do if I had a husband... I rather like being single as I can do what I want, when I want & don't have to answer to anyone other than myself!!!!

These aren't my memories, but a lot are close to how I grew up... (I was between 6-8 when we got our first black/white TV--we watched it that way!!! It was a huge one we put on a table & I still have that table!) I don't think I had pizza until I went into nursing school, so was 18-19 y/o) Growing up on a farm, 5 mls outside of a sm. town with 3-4000 population was different than living in town... We had our own source of milk--it was called cows that had to be milked, then what wasn't sold went thru a separator and then was pasteurized so we could drink it!!! It was such a treat when we finally started buying milk from the store as we had sold the last of the cows!!! (Since I was oldest, I of course I helped my dad with the milking of the cows until I was in 8th grade or Freshman in high school!) Those were the days!!!

OLDER THAN DIRT

Yes this may be a rerun, but go back in time for the moment. When I read over this info, it struck a pleasant chord for me, maybe it will for you. It is refreshing in light of the hectic pace we find ourselves dealing with today.

'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'

'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him. 'All the food was slow.'

'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'

'It was a place called 'at home’,’ I explained. 'Grandma cooked every day and when Grandpa got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it'.

By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table. But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it:

Some parents NEVER owned their own house, wore Levis, set foot on a golf course, traveled out of the country or had a credit card. In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears AND Roebuck. Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.

My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow). We didn't have a television in our house until I was 11, but my grandparents had one before that. It was, of course, black and white, but they bought a piece of colored plastic to cover the screen. The top third was blue, like the sky, and the bottom third was green, like grass. The middle third was red. It was perfect for programs that had scenes of fire trucks riding across someone's lawn on a sunny day. Some people had a lens taped to the front of the TV to make the picture look larger.

I was 13 before I tasted my first pizza; it was called 'pizza pie.' When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.

We didn't have a car until I was 15. Before that, the only car in our family was my grandfather's Ford. He called it a 'machine.' I never had a telephone in my room. The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.

Pizzas were not delivered to our home. But milk was.

All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers. I delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which I got to keep 2 cents. I had to get up at 4 AM every morning. On Saturday, I had to collect the 42 cents from my customers. My favorite customers were the ones who gave me 50 cents and told me to keep the change. My least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.

Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. Touching someone else's tongue with yours was called French kissing and they didn't do that in movies. I don't know what they did in French movies. French movies were dirty and we weren't allowed to see them.

If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren. Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.

Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?

Theft Problem - IMPORTANT MESSAGE:

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys removed by black-market organ thieves. My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The replacements had the texture of cooked
 oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and what happened to mine? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs. Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.

And then the thieves struck again. My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original! I realized I’d have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary - my body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me next?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the coffee! Those 'plastic' surgeons are using REAL replacement body parts - stolen from you and me! The next time someone you know has something 'lifted', look again -
was it lifted from you?

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night. WARN YOUR FRIENDS!



P. S. Last year I thought someone had stolen my Boobs. I was lying in bed and they were gone! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them hidden in my waistband. Thought this was too 'important' not to pass on. Have a wonderful day - with a joy filled heart. These same thieves come in my closet and shrink my clothes! How do they do it????

Oh Patricia - the really bad thing is that the thieves are not focusing on just one neighborhood, or city, or state. They are all over !

Gettin' Older is a B----!

My Rosie asked her friend Bev if she's looked behind her lately...Bev says No... I'll check me out at the Gym Shower Room later ...they have these huge mirrors. Bev calls later screaming...."When the hell did aliens invade my behind"???....probably about 20 years ago!

We moved into a new house ...Large Mirror Doors in every Bedroom......had to cover them...we now live in a constant state of "Shiva"!!!....people walk in and say..."Who Died?"...DIED???...My Ass!

We were married close to 50 years ago at 20 & 22...our kids say to us..."You guys are sure getting olde"....we say..."Hey Smart Ass...Take a good look...This is you in 20 years"...."uhhh..uhhh"

The advantage of cataracts ....you see everyone through "Cheesecloth" the same way they shoot Barbara Walters & Martha Stewart on TV....if you pay attention...the TV is Sharp until they appear and then it goes to glorious "Out of Focus" to hide all the wrinkles!!!

I love you Cousins Norm and Rosie!

Norm, I don't have any full length mirrors... didn't think about covering them, oh, well... Elise, my brother lives in Illinois, and I think he would agree with you about the thieves. (I know they are present in Glendale, AZ!!!)

Live to 100?
When my grandmother was in her eighties, she decided to move to Israel. As part of the preparations, she went to see her doctor and get all her charts. The doctor asked her how she was doing, so she gave him the litany of complaints -- this hurts, that's stiff, I'm more tired and I'm slower, etc., etc., etc.

He responded with, "Mrs. Weiss, you have to expect things to start deteriorating. After all, who wants to live to 100?"

My grandmother looked him straight in the eye and replied, "Anyone who's 99."

This one would be sooooo much better if I could included the pix that I have for each of these (for the benefit of those who are too young to "remember" them & may not even know what they looked like!!!) Some of these were a just little before my time...

FENDER SKIRTS

I came across this phrase yesterday ‘Fender SKIRTS.' A term I haven't heard in a long time, and thinking about 'fender skirts' started me thinking about other words that quietly disappear from our language with hardly a notice like 'curb feelers'.

And 'steering knobs.' (AKA) Suicide knob, Neckers Knobs.

Since I’d been thinking of cars, my mind naturally went that direction first. Any kids will probably have to find some elderly person over 50 to explain some of these terms to you.

Remember ‘Continental kits?' They were rear bumper extenders and spare tire covers that were supposed to make any car as cool as a Lincoln Continental.

When did we quit calling them ‘emergency brakes?' At some point 'parking brake' became the proper term. But I miss the hint of drama that went with 'emergency brake.'

I’m sad, too, that almost all the old folks are gone who would call the accelerator the 'foot feed.' Many today do not even know what a clutch is or that the dimmer switch used to be on the floor.

Didn’t you ever wait at the street for your daddy to come home, so you could ride the ‘running board’ up to the house?

Here’s a phrase I heard all the time in my youth but never anymore -'store-bought.' Of course, just about everything is store-bought these days. But once it was bragging material to have a store-bought dress or a store-bought bag of candy.

‘Coast to coast' is a phrase that once held all sorts of excitement and now means almost nothing. Now we take the term 'world wide' for granted.

On a smaller scale, ‘wall-to-wall' was once a magical term in our homes. In the '50s, everyone covered his or her hardwood floors with, wow, wall-to-wall carpeting! Today, everyone replaces their wall-to-wall carpeting with hardwood floors. Go figure.

When’s the last time you heard the quaint phrase 'in a family way?' It's hard to imagine that the word 'pregnant' was once considered a little too graphic, a little too clinical for use in polite company, so we had all that talk about stork visits and 'being in a family way' or simply 'expecting.'

I always loved going to the 'picture show.'

Most of these words go back to the '50s, but here's a pure-'60s word I came across the other day - 'rat fink.' Ooh, what a nasty put-down!

Here’s a word I miss - 'percolator.' That was just a fun word to say. And what was it replaced with? 'Coffee maker.' How dull. Mr. Coffee, I blame you for this.

I miss those made-up marketing words that were meant to sound so modern and now sound so retro. Words like 'DynaFlow' and 'Electrolux.' Introducing the 1963 Admiral TV, now with 'SpectraVision!

Food for thought - Was there a telethon that wiped out lumbago? Nobody complains of that anymore. Maybe that's what castor oil cured, because I never hear mothers threatening kids with castor oil anymore.

Some words aren't gone, but are definitely on the endangered list. The one that grieves me most, 'supper.' Now everybody says 'dinner.' Save a great word. Invite someone to supper. Discuss fender skirts.

Someone forwarded this to me. I thought some of us of a 'certain age' would remember most of these.

Just for fun, pass it along to others of 'a certain age’! IF YOU AREN'T OF A CERTAIN AGE. YOU MUST KNOW SOMEONE WHO IS.

Ditto Elise....Hey Pat we seem to have a threesome going here...we need to wake up some other people on GENI...they seem to be sleeping with the fishes...
A number of years ago we had a friend named Archie who swore this was a true story!
... Archie says he used to be a Travel Agent in Levittown and did a big business with the Temples there. One year He booked a tour for a number of families to Tel Aviv including a Mrs. Mandlebaum & Her Husband & Daughter & Son-In-Law. So about a week into it he gets a call about 3:00 in the morning....
"Hello Archie"?
"Yes".
"this is "Mrs Mandlebaum ...remember me...you talked us into this Fehcocked-a-trip to Israel".
"Mrs Mandlebaum...It's 3 in the morning ...what can I do for you?"
"Well Archie ...we had a busy day...we went on a day tour to Masada and the dead sea...and we took the streetcar to the top of the mountain and walked around for awhile and then went to the Dead Sea and jumped in, I heard it would help my psoriasis...".....
"Mrs. Mandlebaum...I'm trying to get to sleep...how can I help you?"
"Well I was having trouble sleeping because of all the excitement we were having on the trip so I went to wake Murray up to maybe rub my head ...and he wouldn't wake up...Archie I think Murray might be dead and I don't know what to do"!
"Mrs. M. I'm 12,000 miles away...why are you calling me...your daughter and son-in-law are in the room next door why didn't you call them"?

"..Were getting up early for the tour today Archie.....I didn't want to bother them"!!!

Archie swore this was true...he left the business soon after...

Norm, I agree and also wish a few more who read this discussion would add some comments -- even just a few words!!! It would help me know if what I am including here is tickling any funny bones or not!!! Or if I should be going in a different direction. I am sorry that some of them are soooo long, but that is what I have the most of.

I was esp. disappointed that there were no responses to the 8th grade test from the 1800's.

I can see why Archie left the travel agency!!!

Why Do I Like Retirement!!!

Question: How many days in a week? 

Answer: 6 Saturdays, 1 Sunday 



Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? 

Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch or favorite recliner. 
 



Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb? 

Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. 

 


Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? 

Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

 
 

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? 

Answer: The term comes with a 10% discount. 


 


Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? 

Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies? 

Answer: They are the only ones who have the time. 
 




Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? 

Answer: NUTS! 
 



Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? 

Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. 


 


Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? 

Answer: Normal. 


 

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? 

Answer: The never ending Coffee Break. 


 

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? 

Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. 



 

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? 

Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. 





Question: When is Happy Hour now?
Answer: When taking a Nap.

And, my very favorite...


Question: What do you do all week? 

Answer: Monday through Friday, NOTHING... Saturday & Sunday, I rest. 


SERENITY!!!

There is a cossack who approaches a Jewish man sitting on a bench by the sidewalk. He tells the Jewish man:

"All the problems in the world are because of the Jews!"

The Jewish man looks up and responds: "And the bicycle riders."

The cossack replies: "Why the bicycle riders?"

The Jewish man answers: "Why the Jews?"

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 
'How old was your husband?'
'98,' she replied... 
'Two years older than me.' 

'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented. 

She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?’
***********************************
“Know how to prevent sagging? 
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.” Maxine
***********************************
I've sure gotten old! 

I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes. 

I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.

Have bouts with dementia. 

Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. 

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. 

Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, 

I still have my driver's license.
***********************************
The nice thing about being senile is 

you can hide your own Easter eggs and have fun finding them.
***********************************
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: 

'And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?' the reporter asked. 

She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'
***********************************
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, 
so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. 
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. 
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over.
***********************************
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and 
told her preacher she had two final requests. 
First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, 
she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
'Wal-Mart?' the preacher exclaimed. 
'Why Wal-Mart?'
'Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week'
***********************************
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. 

Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
***********************************
Maxine says:
“It's scary when you start making the same noises 
as your coffee maker.”
***********************************
THE SENILITY PRAYER: 

Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.
***********************************
“Know how to prevent sagging? 

Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.” Maxine
***********************************
These days about half the stuff 
in my shopping cart says, 
'For fast relief.'
***********************************
Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are!
***********************************
Always Remember This:
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. 

You grow old because you stop laughing!

Whenever I need a good laugh - I always know where to go!

I'll add to this one "Now, I think you're supposed to share this with 5 or 6, maybe 10 others. Oh heck, give it to a bunch of your friends if you can remember who they are! " -- on your next visit to the cemetery!

for sisters:
I'm smiling because you're my sister and laughing because there is nothing you can do about it.

My mother just turned 100 in July. When I asked her which birthday she was celebrating , she thought for a few minutes and then said "My sixteenth". Love the optimism. When we said it was her 100th she told us she would probably see 110 - and I think she just might.

Colleen - they can take you off of their tree - no more sister!

Thanks for the contributions! Love to hear from others!!! Colleen, your mom sounds to be an awesome lady!!! Why not celebrate a past birthday that brings back fond memories??? Hey, maybe we should all start doing that.

Forgetter Be Forgotten

My forgetter's getting better, 

But my rememberer is broke

To you that may seem funny

But, to me, that is no joke
Or when I'm 'here' I'm wondering

If I really should be 'there'

And, when I try to think it through, 

I haven't got a prayer! 



Oft times I walk into a room, 

Say 'what am I here for?'

I wrack my brain, but all in vain! 

A zero, is my score. 



At times I put something away

Where it is safe, but, Gee! 

The person it is safest from

Is, generally, me! 



When shopping I may see someone, 

Say 'Hi' and have a chat, 

Then, when the person walks away

I ask myself, 'who the hell was that?'
Yes, my forgetter's getting better

While my rememberer is broke, 

And it's driving me plumb crazy

And that isn't any joke. 


CAN YOU RELATE???

Please send this to everyone you know because
I DON'T REMEMBER
 WHO I SENTTHIS TO!

I'm Lutheran and loved this one. I hope those who read this discussion will take the time to go to this site and listen to this video. It is fantastic--be sure to turn up the volume. You can't help grin -- it is only 2:02 min. long.

Oh, those fun loving Lutherans. What will they think of next!!
Decided to send this on for a little comic relief from all this political "stuff".
What Lutherans Do With Their Beer Bottles???!!!!
St. Luke's Bottle Band,
St. Luke's Lutheran Church,
Park Ridge, Illinois
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k26nt3Y4cmg&feature=related

Patricia, Please keep it coming! I look forward to reading your humor every day.

This is another one that I wish I was able to include pix. For #8 I had a pix of Noah's wife saying, "I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof." Oh, well, you will just have to use your imagination... Hope you enjoy this one.

All I Need To Know I Learned From Noah And The Ark
1. Don't miss the boat.
2. Try to remember that we're all in the same boat.
3. Plan ahead. It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark, you know.
4. Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone might ask you to do something REALLY big.
5. Don't listen to critics; just get on with what has to be done.
6. Build your future on high ground.
7. For safety's sake, travel in pairs.
8. Two heads are better than one.
9. Speed isn't always an advantage; after all, the snails were on board with the cheetahs.
10. When you're stressed, try floating awhile.
11. Remember that the ark was built by amateurs; it was the Titanic that was built by professionals.
12. Remember that woodpeckers inside are a larger threat than storms outside.
13. No matter what the difficulty, trust in the Almighty: There'll be a rainbow at the end of the storm.

Pat

I've just learned one of your ancestors was from the REAL Podunk! Explains a lot ... (ducks)

See

http://www.geni.com/documents/view?doc_id=6000000027860353145

( Love this explanation!! )

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age, it just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information stored in their brains, scientists believe. Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive becomes more full, so humans also take longer to access information, it has been suggested Researchers say this slowing down is not the same as cognitive decline.

The human brain works slower in old age, said Dr. Michael Ramscar, but only because we have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak. On the contrary, they simply know more, but just may not be able to access the information..

Also,older people often go to another room to get something and when they get there, they stand there wondering what they came for. It is NOT a memory problem, it is nature's way of making older people do more exercise.

SO THERE!

Susan, I LOVE this explanation!!!!!!!! Hope you don't mind but I am going to pass this on to those on my email list--it is just toooo good!!! I am sure there will be quite a few who will be relieved to know this!!! I cracked up at the ending!!!

Thanks for your contribution!
Hugs,
Pat

Thank you, Cousin Pat, for the kind words. I truly enjoy this discussion and the hackles of my heart are warmed by the memories some of the posts invoke. We remember how it was to grow up in a time when there was more structure, family involvement as a unit, and we didn't have much money for anything that was not absolutely necessary. If my parents hadn't scrimped and saved in order to pay cash for a piece of machinery needed on the farm, they didn't get it. Paying interest was a plan devised by the devil, or almost as bad, and they considered it a waste.

Mother was considered to be her father's favorite by her siblings.. Her explanation was that when you walked through a door, you closed it, you didn't slam it. If you did, there was hell to pay, plus you would go back and open the door and close it properly. Just because they were poor as church mice, it didn't mean that the kids went without a proper education on respect. Every time she spoke of an incident as a teenager, it would bring tears to her eyes. She was sure she had polio as she was very ill and couldn't walk. There was no money to go to the doctor, so you either lived or died. She was so thankful that she pulled through and experienced a wonderful, loving life with my father.

Their only means of transportation was for "important" things, and as a young woman wanting to go to town meant to walk. On her way home, she had to cross the "big" highway and was stopped by a man who asked if she needed a ride. They actually did have newspapers in those days, and she swore the man was none other than John Dillinger--hat, coat, dried blood on the inside of the door of his car. She told him she was almost home and "no, thank you," and our family history might have been quite different had she accepted that offer.

Please continue the discussion, even if you feel you are only one of a few contributing. We need to step away from life, look back, and have a good laugh once in awhile,

Blessings,

Susie

Susie, I hope you have your mom's memories written down as part of her story. There are many stories that my mom, grandmother and aunts (the men weren't as forthcoming with stories :-( ) told that I have since forgotten as I didn't write them down when they were fresh in my mind. And now those founts of wisdom are long gone with their stories. I didn't realize how important those stories were to our family history at the time! Those stories I do remember, I have added in the computer as memories in my Notes for them. Remember folks, history breaks down to his-story or her-story and unfortunately those oldsters aren't going to be around forever even parents... even things your children/grandchildren do that are funny or memorable...

Now back to some humor :-o)
Hugs,
Pat

This story will definately tickle a funny bone or two... I can just visualize it... can't you??? If you share some of the humor here with your family & friends, this is one worth passing on.

The "Middle Wife"
by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years, have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students as it helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, and pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday."

"First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord." She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. “Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much! "Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there." Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another "Middle Wife" comes along.

Now you have two choices... laugh and close this page or pass this along to someone else to spread the laughs. I know what I did!!!

Live every day as if it is your LAST chance to make someone happy!

SHOOT FOR THE MOON. EVEN IF YOU MISS, YOU'LL STILL LAND AMONG THE STARS.

The Gift

A few years ago, the terrorist organization Hamas, decided to send a gift to the Prime Minister of Israel. They sent him an elaborate box with a note. The PM opened the box and saw that the content was feces. He opened the note which said “For you and the proud people of Israel.”

Since the PM of Israel, Benjamin Netanyahu, is an experienced statesman, he decided to reciprocate and he sent to Hamas a very nice parcel and a note. The leaders of Hamas were very surprised to receive the parcel and opened it very carefully suspecting that it might contain a bomb. After opening they discovered that it contained a small chip that was rechargeable by solar energy with 1800 Terabyte memory and a 3-D hologram display capable of functioning in any type of cellular phone or Tablet or laptop....... In other words....... the most advanced technological invention and development made in Israel.

The Hamas leaders were very impressed and read the note which said - “Every leader gives the best his people can produce.”

...Benjamin Netanyahu